I've found myself once again in the midwest for the past few days. It's been a great trip, I have to say. I seem to be continually on the edge of being permanently jaded; this was just what I needed to get some wind back in my sails. First of all, I think most of it boils down to the fact that my spiritual walk ends up being more of a joke than anything else. I pretend to kind of be on top of my game, hand out advice like small bits of wisdom that should be treasured like pearls dripping from my mouth. Really, I'm just full of crap. I'm tired and lonely and not really ever spending time reading my Bible or praying or anything. Just when I really start to feel gone, something wonderful happens like a sermon from John Hay Jr., or having an honest conversation with a brother over a cup of coffee, and I remember what used to be in my heart.
People ask me what I'm up to. How do I politely explain to these semi-interested folks from different stages of my past that I'm living in a hippie Colorado town, taking courses in massage therapy? I get a veneer smile and a nod, and something mumbled about how it sure is beautiful out there. I get more interest when I mention the bit about thinking of Fuller Seminary and a Masters in Theology and the Arts. I'm almost more excited about that Fuller program because of the people I'll meet and the environment I'll be in - a somewhat more thoughtful version of Huntington, perhaps? I don't want the Christian College stupidity, but all of the great things about it I loved. Hopefully Fuller (should I choose to go) will be chock full of experiences similar to Dr. Schleiffer's small group, or discussions held after HC Theatre lab productions, or instructors like Dr. John Sanders.
I think I just have to continually remember that no matter where I go, or what I do, or who I become, that I belong to Someone else. I don't have to change my personality for God- just reflect God's likeness in my own way. My name means "consecrated to God." I want to be like the people in the Community who have names that perfectly describe them- Elohov, Yakkar, Yohannan. The love of God, precious of God, the grace of God. I want my name to be who I am. I want to respond in God's love to whomever I come in contact with, regardless of their lifestyle choices, religious affiliation, or nationality. I want to dance with those who dance, and mourn with those who mourn. I want to be consecrated.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment