Strong Enough

This one's for Joe.

This time of year makes me think about you, and driving in the truck, and Roanoke, and Sheryl Crow. It reminds me of the Kings of Convenience, and remember that one time when Jonny and a whole bunch of people were over and we went to Jason and Tiff's apartment and watched Dawn of the Dead? And we laughed and laughed. Good old zombies.

Remember that time when you went out to the reservoir to run, and you sat down and had a zen moment and then the sun went down and you were lost? You came home and were so freaked out, and then you made me watch Mulholland Drive even though I didn't want to, that one part where the swamp man jumps out from behind the building and the guy just dies. And you took me to Henry's on my birthday. Joe, I loved that moment, I loved you then. I remember sitting in the bed of your truck, looking up at the stars, and talking about nothing out at that same reservoir. No, it wasn't nothing. You told me you wondered what the stars looked like in China, or Brazil, or Greece. How you wanted to see them, to get out of our dusty town in Indiana, and really do something great. Or maybe you should move to Jim's old place, where your aunt lives, and help her with the swampy alligators. Or move to Denver with me and Annie Zeller and live above a coffeeshop.

You know, I loved it when you came over and told me we were going somewhere. I loved you barging in my life, taking me to Coffee D'Vine, or Steak and shake, or the Seven Eleven to get mountain dew. And that one time when you brought me a slushy because I was sick, and loaned me CKY2K, because it was the best ever because it started out with a guy taking a crap. I loved when you came over, when I was sad and poor and lonely after Katie left, and started moving my stuff down to your apartment. And then two days later, when you sat on our sofa and laughed and laughed at me because I had to live with YOU now, and I couldn't go back to my old place because it wasn't my place anymore, and I was trapped with you. I loved being trapped with you. Do you still have our vacuum cleaner?

I loved laying in bed at night and talking with you across the room. Listening to you talk about books, or Tong Soo Doo, or God, or Nascar, or beer. It was all good. And waking up in the morning, hearing you across the distance on your mattress in the corner, farting and turning off your alarm. And the maps you colored and hung on the walls. And using the walk in closet to change. And getting mad at all of Matt's stuff all over the place. And believing in me, no matter how out there I got, because you got me. You understood when I needed to be pushed, and when I needed to be let go, and when I just needed to drive around in the dark and listen to Sheryl.

Last Tuesday I was driving home to Denver, and looking out at the stars. They look great out here, Joe. And "Strong Enough" still makes me think of you, and cry and smile all at the same time.

Liza needs

First of all, props to It's A Grind for playing "It's too late" from the latest Ben Folds release. This song always just about brings me to tears.

Ok, people, so I've heard about this little google game going around (ohh! alliteration station!), and I decided to try it out. Apparently, you plug your name plus the word needs into a search engine, and see what kind of good things pop up. Here are some of my faves.

1. Liza needs to be with her daughter, at home.
2. Liza needs to get a life and a new face, her time is over and doesn't she realise that?
3. Liza needs a storyline but with something new like the fashion industry.
4. Liza needs to recover from trauma.
5. Liza needs TIME OFF from relationships.
6. Like all Border Collies, Liza needs a job to do.
7. Come on, big boy. Have some sex with old Liza. Liza needs the boom-boom. (!!!)
8. Liza needs some pointers about being assertive.
9. Liza needs to be fed and put in bed.
10.Liza needs time to work on her old Mustang and play with the pets.

I promise I did not alter any of the above, but found them all in their exact glory while googling. Good grief, I have not laughed this hard in a long time.

groceries and nepotism and all that stuff

well, well. I always feel like there is a lot to say, and then I realize that there isn't. Some small items of note-

I bought groceries yesterday, and my home feels real. It feels homey and there's food in the cabinets and tp in the can. I've been reading lots of Tolkien at home lately, and have a strange urge to occasionally speak archaicly, as if an elf will suddenly appear in mithril and approve of my middle-earth vocabulary and impeccable diction. In addition to that, I have been taking baths. And drinking green tea. On the whole, I like being in my attic.

Other things include my feeling that the Bush presidency is just hitting rock bottom. I mean, seriously, people. You can just nominate people for all sorts of things they've never even done before, just because they're your friends. And it's not like nominating someone to the homecoming committee because they're your friend. Homecoming committees only decide what color the float will be and who's house the weinie roast will be at. And sometimes there's a tailgater where they beat up old cars with sledgehammers, and sneak beer. But how big of a deal is that? Not really. What I'm talking about is the Supreme Court. I don't really think it is ever a good idea to trust Mr. Bush. In fact, isn't that just about the only thing we have learned in the last six years? You know, friends, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result. When will we get that he simply isn't going to stop pulling one over on us all?

On a parting note, friends,
Sometimes it is really good to be alive. To recognize each moment, and realize that pain is valuable. To cry if we want, because it isn't all okay all of the time. And that is okay. To love without expectation or hesitation, and to not be afraid to lose everything before it is all over.

Rest in my arms, sleep in my bed; there's a design to what I did and said.

xena and gabrielle- the seventh season

ok, people, I'll admit. I have a closet, well... obsession. Last year whilst living with my folks for a few weeks after college, I got into the habit of waking up around nine, stumbling out into the living room, flopping down on the sofa, and turning on the TV. I had lived without a TV for months prior, and have not had one for the better part of a year since. However, at this time, I was unemployed, living off the fat of the land, and well, didn't have that much better to do. Ok, excuses aside- I got hooked on Xena: Warrior Princess. I know! I know. It's dumb, it's campy, it's poorly written TV schlack. But it started to be so funny to me. The way they played with timelines, my intense hatred of Joxer, and Gabrielle's clumsiness in early episodes would leave me rolling. Add in a beautiful New Zealand background in the hour-long show, Renee O'Connor's fantastic acting, and chicks beating up guys, and I was totally hooked. After I moved out of my parents' place, it started with an innocent rental of season one on DVD from my local Blockbuster. Soon this was not enough. I needed more! People, I needed more.

Feed me, said the Xena plant inside me, that I had created by simply not changing the TV off of the Oxygen channel.

Dang it.

So now I own all six seasons on DVD. Cringe! When I think how many Ramen packets I could have bought with that money... oh well. I will be poor and feminist and happy. So, friends, you can not believe my surprise when I discovered news, news about a tenth planet. That has been named Xena. And she has a moon! OH, wait for it, wait for it- the moon is named Gabrielle. What a weird feeling, when suddenly the object of an obsession you desperately try to keep private is suddenly exposed to the world. But I secretly wonder- who would do this?

Taken from http://www.tenthplanet.info:
Dr [Michael] Brown and his team have christened the planet, Xena, after the warrior princess in the old television series, "...because we always wanted to name something Xena."

[On a side note, whilst looking for quoteable quotes from Dr. Brown, I discovered he has a new daughter named Lilah. Xena fans everywhere already know this, but to you lay people I inform: Lilah was Gabrielle's younger sister on the show. We must have quite the fanatic here. How exciting!]

Dr. Brown, I applaud you. Thank you for having the courage, as a male astronomer, to choose the name of a feminist, butt-kicking, often ridiculed television character, as the name of our tenth planet. Of course she would have Gabrielle, twirling along by her side. Perhaps we can expand this whole thing, an annoying asteroid charging in and messing things up could be Joxer. A second moon might be Argo, Xena's faithful horse. Perhaps major areas of debris in the Kuiper belt (where Xena was discovered) might be nicknamed the Amazons.

I'm not sure where this current trend is heading, folks, and being a Xena fan myself, I'm going to bend on this one. But if they name the next planet Buffy, I'm going to emigrate to another solar system.



For actual, credible news on this, check out http://www.cnn.com/2005/TECH/space/10/01/new.planet.moon.ap/index.html?section=cnn_latest

tripping

a list of things about my trip that I hope to cover more in depth in upcoming days:

lost south american rodents
dead deer
crazy people in market st. station
jeff zike
sufjan stevens
losing bus tickets
my brother's girlfriend
copious amounts of lasagna
six week old babies (ah! I want one!)
jocelyn henjum
family heirlooms
hacking coughs
bus rides
chair massage
new knit caps
holding hands
forgetting important things
FINDING MY BIRTH CERTIFICATE!!! woohoo.

ok, so that's all for now. it has been a fabulous trip. back to denver we fly.

denver, early fall

Friends.

It is chilly today, and there is a pumpkin on my doorstep, and leaves are falling. I am wearing a maroon sweater, and the Indigo Girls are playing at Einstein's, where I am mooching internet. There is a lightness in my step on this day that has not been present for a while- I am poor with no end in sight, but I am happy.

I have learned that when the exercise (swiss) ball rolls away, determinedly away from you down the street at almost midnight while you are packing your life into a 15 year old gas guzzler, it is time to laugh. And oh, laugh I did. It may turn the corner, it may roll completely out of sight. But, it will always be there, waiting dustily for you in front of the Cliff House, no matter when you leave.

Riding my bike to work has been a distinct pleasure the last few days. I've only almost gotten killed a few times, but it's free! I'm not sure what will happen when it starts snowing. Maybe I'll dogsled. I need to get some tights, all I have are these little bike shorts that leave all of my leg quite pink. At least the legs then match my little pink ears. I really like my new apartment. And the bathtub, claw feet people. Not that you people have claw feet. Maybe you do. But I'm talking about the tub. Oh so nice, until I have to switch positions, and then I feel like a big, awkward kid. But then I smile, and remember that is exactly what I am.

***

I'm gonna clear my head, I'm gonna drink that sun-
I'm gonna love you good and long while our love is good and young.