odder otter

I call him back and we have, as Brad Etter would say, a 10,000 dollar moment. Perhaps not a full meeting of the minds, but I speak my peace, and he and I are as reconciled as we can be at present.

Is it possible to be reconciled to someone you don't trust? If you are at peace with someone to the point of accepting whatever type of friendship you can have with them, but have no expectations, is it reconciliation? I don't know of a word to describe it otherwise- just an elusive "okayness" that we tenuously have reached. But that is okay, too. As far as I am able, to be at peace with my fellow man- I believe this is what he and I so desire. However, we live our lives differently, so we will have to proceed accordingly. Honestly, I don't see much possibility for interaction, so it may not matter anyway- but it was certainly nice for him to take that next step.

I find myself at the mate factor with Yashah- we talked and talked and talked. As always, there are a great many things about this life that make sense. Is there ever a perfect way? Should I find the eschaton descending onto my shoulders, I imagine I would make my way to them. Does this make me a coward for not doing it now? I believe God is glorified in my learning, in my scholarship, in my intellectualism. I believe God put those things in me for a reason. Harking back to Eric Liddel, the great Olympian runner, I feel His pleasure- not when I run, but when my mind is engaged, working towards some elusive concept, discovering God's truth, hidden or no, in all things. Would He call me to turn away from a gift He has given me? This is my struggle on the matter. This and my inability to box God into a literalist theology.

God is not hidden. He longs to be found. In gratitude, in reconciliation, in the company of friends. Being here, being unencumbered by work or schedule, with mate and books and notebook and pen is just about as close to heaven as I could hope to be.

didn't see the headlight

Ahhhhhh, Monday, bloody Monday. These are my long days, Mondays and Thursdays- today made especially so by the 7 am meeting that leads were required to attend. Looks like I'll be in the cafe Wednesday all day, which will be fun.... mostly because I know I'll be able to leave and not be stuck there permanently. I remember working at the Pavilions store last year, looking out at those lucky ducks cruising around on the book floor in their normal clothes. I was stuck behind a grinder and sanitation pails, dried milk on my shoes and apron around my waist. Quad venti breve? Sure, no problem. Who cares if I know about Flaubert?

As an aside though, I love working for Barnes and Noble. I'm dead serious. I wouldn't be in retail in any other job; they are the bees knees, people.

So today when I was driving home from the clinic, I hit a bird in Plainfield. It was flying so slowly, in a straight line away from my windshield ahead of me, and I hit it anyway. I didn't mean to! It was just reluctant about moving quickly and then thunk, it smacked the windshield and lolled on my hood for a few moments before rolling over the side of the troops. It made me sad. I think it was a sparrow.

It made me remember that one time when Draco brought me a nearly dead bird. I think I'm going to categorically say I'm not in favor of them.

200

This is what I do.
Deep breath
Center.
Warm hands reach out
to touch the back
on this table.

Oil.
Smooth,
or resisted
the expanse is covered just the same.

Just the same.

Work along ribs
the latissimus dorsi
the great knobbled spine
forever separating the two halves
one
from
the other.

The apex of the neck-
the great head
resting on its axis.
Resting
here in my hands.

Rock.
Rock.
Roll.

The cleft between
erectors and spine
those long, sinuous muscles
providing bookends
to that great, bony protector.

That joint beyond all joints.
The SI.
Forever joining
perambulators
with
everything else.

Muscle
bone
hinge

I stand amazed.

Here
wrapped in these sheets
humanity bares herself for me
and I for her
no glove separates these blunted nails
these stunted tips
these calloused prints--
there is no bridge to cross.
Just skin and skin.

And this is what I do?
I stand amazed.

Goodbye Steve

By BRIAN CASSEY, Associated Press Writer Mon Sep 4, 9:34 AM ET

CAIRNS, Australia - Steve Irwin, the hugely popular Australian television personality and conservationist known as the "Crocodile Hunter," was killed Monday by a stingray while filming off the Great Barrier Reef. He was 44.

Irwin was at Batt Reef, off the remote coast of northeastern Queensland state, shooting a segment for a series called "Ocean's Deadliest" when he swam too close to one of the animals, which have a poisonous barb on their tails, his friend and colleague John Stainton said.

"He came on top of the stingray and the stingray's barb went up and into his chest and put a hole into his heart," said Stainton, who was on board Irwin's boat at the time.

Crew members aboard the boat, Croc One, called emergency services in the nearest city, Cairns, and administered CPR as they rushed the boat to nearby Low Isle to meet a rescue helicopter. Medical staff pronounced Irwin dead when they arrived a short time later, Stainton said.

Irwin was famous for his enthusiasm for wildlife and his catchword "Crikey!" in his television program "Crocodile Hunter." First broadcast in Australia in 1992, the program was picked up by the Discovery network, catapulting Irwin to international celebrity.

He rode his image into a feature film, 2002's "The Crocodile Hunters: Collision Course" and developed the wildlife park that his parents opened, Australia Zoo, into a major tourist attraction.

"The world has lost a great wildlife icon, a passionate conservationist and one of the proudest dads on the planet," Stainton told reporters in Cairns. "He died doing what he loved best and left this world in a happy and peaceful state of mind. He would have said, 'Crocs Rule!'"

Prime Minister John Howard, who hand-picked Irwin to attend a gala barbecue to honor President Bush when he visited in 2003, said he was "shocked and distressed at Steve Irwin's sudden, untimely and freakish death."

"It's a huge loss to Australia," Howard told reporters. "He was a wonderful character. He was a passionate environmentalist. He brought joy and entertainment and excitement to millions of people."

Irwin, who made a trademark of hovering dangerously close to untethered crocodiles and leaping on their backs, spoke in rapid-fire bursts with a thick Australian accent and was almost never seen without his uniform of khaki shorts and shirt and heavy boots.

Wild animal expert Jack Hanna, who frequently appears on TV with his subjects, offered praise for Irwin.

"Steve was one of these guys, we thought of him as invincible," Hanna, director emeritus of the Columbus (Ohio) Zoo and Aquarium, told ABC's "Good Morning America" Monday.

"The guy was incredible. His knowledge was incredible," Hanna said. "Some people that are doing this stuff are actors and that type of thing, but Steve was truly a zoologist, so to speak, a person who knew what he was doing. Yes, he did things a lot of people wouldn't do. I think he knew what he was doing."

Irwin's ebullience was infectious and Australian officials sought him out for photo opportunities and to promote Australia internationally.

His public image was dented, however, in 2004 when he caused an uproar by holding his infant son in one arm while feeding large crocodiles inside a zoo pen. Irwin claimed at the time there was no danger to the child, and authorities declined to charge Irwin with violating safety regulations.

Later that year, he was accused of getting too close to penguins, a seal and humpback whales in Antarctica while making a documentary. Irwin denied any wrongdoing, and an Australian Environment Department investigation recommended no action be taken against him.

Stingrays have a serrated, toxin-loaded barb, or spine, on the top of their tail. The barb, which can be up to 10 inches long, flexes if a ray is frightened. Stings usually occur to people when they step on or swim too close to a ray and can be excruciatingly painful but are rarely fatal, said University of Queensland marine neuroscientist Shaun Collin.

Collin said he suspected Irwin died because the barb pierced under his ribcage and directly into his heart.

"It was extraordinarily bad luck. It's not easy to get spined by a stingray and to be killed by one is very rare," Collin said.

News of Irwin's death spread quickly, and tributes flowed from all quarters of society.

At Australia Zoo at Beerwah, south Queensland, floral tributes were dropped at the entrance, where a huge fake crocodile gapes. Drivers honked their horns as they passed.

"Steve, from all God's creatures, thank you. Rest in peace," was written on a card with a bouquet of native flowers.

"We're all very shocked. I don't know what the zoo will do without him. He's done so much for us, the environment and it's a big loss," said Paula Kelly, a local resident and volunteer at the zoo, after dropping off a wreath at the gate.

Stainton said Irwin's American-born wife Terri, from Eugene, Ore., had been informed of his death, and had told their daughter Bindi Sue, 8, and son Bob, who will turn 3 in December.

The couple met when she went on vacation in Australia in 1991 and visited Irwin's Australia Zoo; they were married six months later. Sometimes referred to as the "Crocodile Huntress," she costarred on her husband's television show and in his 2002 movie.