odder otter

I call him back and we have, as Brad Etter would say, a 10,000 dollar moment. Perhaps not a full meeting of the minds, but I speak my peace, and he and I are as reconciled as we can be at present.

Is it possible to be reconciled to someone you don't trust? If you are at peace with someone to the point of accepting whatever type of friendship you can have with them, but have no expectations, is it reconciliation? I don't know of a word to describe it otherwise- just an elusive "okayness" that we tenuously have reached. But that is okay, too. As far as I am able, to be at peace with my fellow man- I believe this is what he and I so desire. However, we live our lives differently, so we will have to proceed accordingly. Honestly, I don't see much possibility for interaction, so it may not matter anyway- but it was certainly nice for him to take that next step.

I find myself at the mate factor with Yashah- we talked and talked and talked. As always, there are a great many things about this life that make sense. Is there ever a perfect way? Should I find the eschaton descending onto my shoulders, I imagine I would make my way to them. Does this make me a coward for not doing it now? I believe God is glorified in my learning, in my scholarship, in my intellectualism. I believe God put those things in me for a reason. Harking back to Eric Liddel, the great Olympian runner, I feel His pleasure- not when I run, but when my mind is engaged, working towards some elusive concept, discovering God's truth, hidden or no, in all things. Would He call me to turn away from a gift He has given me? This is my struggle on the matter. This and my inability to box God into a literalist theology.

God is not hidden. He longs to be found. In gratitude, in reconciliation, in the company of friends. Being here, being unencumbered by work or schedule, with mate and books and notebook and pen is just about as close to heaven as I could hope to be.