I realized that today
again for the first time
in ages
I cared enough about something with you
to get mad about it.
What does that mean?
12.22.2006
12.12.2006
well, I'll be switched! Mary got knocked up! ... somehow
below I've posted an article about Mary Cheney, the lesbian daughter of our illustrious Vice. Does anybody have any thoughts? Does anybody read this blog anymore? Hello, is this thing on? I have thoughts, surely- just thought I'd see what was rolling around in your heads, my cyberspace compatriots, first.
also, here's a coupla photos of the old girl, ifnya don't know whom I'm speaking of.
holding the Bible for dear old dad.
that's mary on the left, and partner heather poe on the right.
Mary Cheney Expecting Baby With Her Partner
Article Tools Sponsored By
By JIM RUTENBERG
Published: December 6, 2006
WASHINGTON, Dec. 6 — Mary Cheney, the daughter of Vice President Dick Cheney, is expecting a baby with her partner of 15 years, Heather Poe, Mr. Cheney’s office said today.
Lea Anne McBride, a spokeswoman for Mr. Cheney, said the vice president and his wife, Lynne Cheney, were “looking forward with eager anticipation” to the baby’s birth, which is expected this spring and will bring to six the number of grandchildren the Cheneys have.
Mr. Cheney’s office would not provide details about how Mary Cheney became pregnant or by whom, and Ms. Cheney did not respond to messages left at her office and with her book publisher, Simon & Schuster.
The announcement of Mary Cheney’s pregnancy, which was first reported today by The Washington Post, and her expected status as a same-sex parent, prompted new debate over the administration’s opposition to gay marriage.
Family Pride, a gay rights group, noted that Ms. Cheney’s home state of Virginia does not recognize same-sex marriages or civil unions to same-sex couples.
“The news of Mary Cheney’s pregnancy exemplifies, once again, how the best interests of children are denied when lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender citizens are treated unfairly and accorded different and unequal rights and responsibilities than other parents,” the group’s executive director, Jennifer Chrisler, said in a statement.
Focus on the Family, an influential Christian group that has provided crucial political support to President Bush, released a statement that criticized child rearing by same-sex couples.
“Mary Cheney’s pregnancy raises the question of what’s best for children,” the group’s director of issues analysis, Carrie Gordon Earll, said in a statement. “Just because it’s possible to conceive a child outside of the relationship of a married mother and father doesn’t mean it’s the best for the child. Love can’t replace a mom or a dad.”
In 2004, Ms. Cheney worked on the Bush-Cheney re-election campaign, which was victorious in part because of the so-called values voters who were drawn to the polls in key states by ballot measures seeking to ban same-sex marriage.
Mr. Bush that year voiced strong approval for a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage, as he did this year, too. While gay rights groups called on Ms. Cheney to speak out against the proposed ban in 2004, she remained silent.
But Ms. Cheney wrote in a book published earlier this year that she had considered resigning from the campaign after learning that Mr. Bush would endorse the proposed amendment. She wrote that her father talked her into staying, arguing that other important issues were at stake in the 2004 campaign.
As she promoted her book this spring, Ms. Cheney said a federal ban on same-sex marriage would “write discrimination into the Constitution.” She also made a donation this year to a group fighting a ballot initiative outlawing gay marriage in Virginia. Voters approved the initiative in November.
The vice president has hinted at his own disapproval of the proposed amendment. Asked where he stood on the issue during a campaign stop in Iowa in 2004, Mr. Cheney said, “Freedom means freedom for everyone.”
Ms. Cheney’s pregnancy is certain to add another wrinkle to the complex relationship between the White House and evangelical Christian leaders, some of whom complained this year that Mr. Bush was not doing enough to fight for a ban on gay marriage.
Dana Perino, a spokeswoman for Mr. Bush, said that Mr. Cheney had recently told the president about his daughter’s pregnancy and that “the president said he was happy for him.” The Cheneys have five grandchildren by their other daughter, Elizabeth.
Ms. Cheney, 37, is a vice president at AOL; Ms. Poe, a former park ranger, is 45.
also, here's a coupla photos of the old girl, ifnya don't know whom I'm speaking of.
holding the Bible for dear old dad.
that's mary on the left, and partner heather poe on the right.
Mary Cheney Expecting Baby With Her Partner
Article Tools Sponsored By
By JIM RUTENBERG
Published: December 6, 2006
WASHINGTON, Dec. 6 — Mary Cheney, the daughter of Vice President Dick Cheney, is expecting a baby with her partner of 15 years, Heather Poe, Mr. Cheney’s office said today.
Lea Anne McBride, a spokeswoman for Mr. Cheney, said the vice president and his wife, Lynne Cheney, were “looking forward with eager anticipation” to the baby’s birth, which is expected this spring and will bring to six the number of grandchildren the Cheneys have.
Mr. Cheney’s office would not provide details about how Mary Cheney became pregnant or by whom, and Ms. Cheney did not respond to messages left at her office and with her book publisher, Simon & Schuster.
The announcement of Mary Cheney’s pregnancy, which was first reported today by The Washington Post, and her expected status as a same-sex parent, prompted new debate over the administration’s opposition to gay marriage.
Family Pride, a gay rights group, noted that Ms. Cheney’s home state of Virginia does not recognize same-sex marriages or civil unions to same-sex couples.
“The news of Mary Cheney’s pregnancy exemplifies, once again, how the best interests of children are denied when lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender citizens are treated unfairly and accorded different and unequal rights and responsibilities than other parents,” the group’s executive director, Jennifer Chrisler, said in a statement.
Focus on the Family, an influential Christian group that has provided crucial political support to President Bush, released a statement that criticized child rearing by same-sex couples.
“Mary Cheney’s pregnancy raises the question of what’s best for children,” the group’s director of issues analysis, Carrie Gordon Earll, said in a statement. “Just because it’s possible to conceive a child outside of the relationship of a married mother and father doesn’t mean it’s the best for the child. Love can’t replace a mom or a dad.”
In 2004, Ms. Cheney worked on the Bush-Cheney re-election campaign, which was victorious in part because of the so-called values voters who were drawn to the polls in key states by ballot measures seeking to ban same-sex marriage.
Mr. Bush that year voiced strong approval for a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage, as he did this year, too. While gay rights groups called on Ms. Cheney to speak out against the proposed ban in 2004, she remained silent.
But Ms. Cheney wrote in a book published earlier this year that she had considered resigning from the campaign after learning that Mr. Bush would endorse the proposed amendment. She wrote that her father talked her into staying, arguing that other important issues were at stake in the 2004 campaign.
As she promoted her book this spring, Ms. Cheney said a federal ban on same-sex marriage would “write discrimination into the Constitution.” She also made a donation this year to a group fighting a ballot initiative outlawing gay marriage in Virginia. Voters approved the initiative in November.
The vice president has hinted at his own disapproval of the proposed amendment. Asked where he stood on the issue during a campaign stop in Iowa in 2004, Mr. Cheney said, “Freedom means freedom for everyone.”
Ms. Cheney’s pregnancy is certain to add another wrinkle to the complex relationship between the White House and evangelical Christian leaders, some of whom complained this year that Mr. Bush was not doing enough to fight for a ban on gay marriage.
Dana Perino, a spokeswoman for Mr. Bush, said that Mr. Cheney had recently told the president about his daughter’s pregnancy and that “the president said he was happy for him.” The Cheneys have five grandchildren by their other daughter, Elizabeth.
Ms. Cheney, 37, is a vice president at AOL; Ms. Poe, a former park ranger, is 45.
12.08.2006
John in India
My dear mentor, John Hay, Jr., is preparing to head to India next month, bicycling hundreds and hundreds of miles over six weeks to raise money to rebuild a hospital. Two bishops are riding with him, benefiting this aging Free Methodist medical building. I snagged the following article from the Indy Star for ya'll to peruse... keep them in your prayers.
IndyStar.com Metro & State
November 27, 2006
Pastor preparing to bike India
Trip helps Free Methodist Church support a rural hospital there
By Diana Penner
diana.penner@indystar.com
John Hay Jr.'s heart has long been in serving the community and God.
Soon, his legs will get involved, too.
Hay, senior pastor at West Morris Street Free Methodist Church since 2003, plans a 2,000-mile bicycle tour of India to raise money to rebuild a rural Indian hospital affiliated with the Free Methodist Church.
"It's a long time in the saddle," Hay said, noting he already has developed, well, saddle sores in training.
Regardless, on the day after Christmas, the 47-year-old father of four is leaving Indianapolis for India.
On Dec. 30, he, two other Americans and two Indians expect to begin their journey from the southern tip of India to New Delhi. They hope to ride 65 to 80 miles a day, six days a week, for about six weeks.
They're not sure where they will sleep each night, but they will have tents when a more permanent structure isn't available.
The goal is to raise $600,000 for Umri Christian Hospital, founded in central India 55 years ago by the physician-father of one of the other American riders, Bob Yardy, a physical therapist born in Umri who now lives near Champaign, Ill.
The third American is Free Methodist Bishop Joseph F. James, one of four North American bishops of the church. James has lost more than 50 pounds preparing for the trek, Hay said.
Hay regularly cycles for health and fun, logging about 4,000 miles a year. Since last summer, though, he has ratcheted up his training and hoped to get in several 60-mile rides this holiday weekend to test himself.
Umri is a 100-bed hospital with a staff of about 35 people, including three full-time doctors and eight full-time nurses. It serves an area of about 300,000 people, Hay said, and relies largely on donations because many of its patients can pay little, if anything, for their health care.
The cyclists, who'll be accompanied by one support car to carry their gear, plan to arrive in Umri around the third week of January, Hay said. They are taking their bicycles along as luggage, plus an array of extra parts and repair equipment.
In addition to raising money for the hospital, the effort already has raised $37,500 to buy 750 bikes for outreach workers in India.
While he's cycling through India, Hay plans to blog daily about the trip, although he hasn't quite figured out the logistics.
"For me, it's a once-in-a-lifetime challenge," he said. "I couldn't do it without the support of the congregation -- they see it as a really important thing to do."
Call Star reporter Diana Penner at (317) 444-6249.
Copyright 2006 IndyStar.com. All rights reserved
***
Want to help?
Tax-deductible donations to Umri Christian Hospital should be sent to the King Trust Charitable Fund, P.O. Box 580, Spring Arbor, MI 49283. Checks should be made out to "Umri Christian Hospital Foundation, Bicycle India 2007."
John Hay Jr., senior pastor at West Morris Street Free Methodist Church, plans to blog daily -- or as often as he can -- while on his 2,000-mile bike trip in India beginning Dec. 30. Follow his trip at www.bicycleindia2007.blogspot.com.
Go to www.bikeindia.org for more.
-- Star report
IndyStar.com Metro & State
November 27, 2006
Pastor preparing to bike India
Trip helps Free Methodist Church support a rural hospital there
By Diana Penner
diana.penner@indystar.com
John Hay Jr.'s heart has long been in serving the community and God.
Soon, his legs will get involved, too.
Hay, senior pastor at West Morris Street Free Methodist Church since 2003, plans a 2,000-mile bicycle tour of India to raise money to rebuild a rural Indian hospital affiliated with the Free Methodist Church.
"It's a long time in the saddle," Hay said, noting he already has developed, well, saddle sores in training.
Regardless, on the day after Christmas, the 47-year-old father of four is leaving Indianapolis for India.
On Dec. 30, he, two other Americans and two Indians expect to begin their journey from the southern tip of India to New Delhi. They hope to ride 65 to 80 miles a day, six days a week, for about six weeks.
They're not sure where they will sleep each night, but they will have tents when a more permanent structure isn't available.
The goal is to raise $600,000 for Umri Christian Hospital, founded in central India 55 years ago by the physician-father of one of the other American riders, Bob Yardy, a physical therapist born in Umri who now lives near Champaign, Ill.
The third American is Free Methodist Bishop Joseph F. James, one of four North American bishops of the church. James has lost more than 50 pounds preparing for the trek, Hay said.
Hay regularly cycles for health and fun, logging about 4,000 miles a year. Since last summer, though, he has ratcheted up his training and hoped to get in several 60-mile rides this holiday weekend to test himself.
Umri is a 100-bed hospital with a staff of about 35 people, including three full-time doctors and eight full-time nurses. It serves an area of about 300,000 people, Hay said, and relies largely on donations because many of its patients can pay little, if anything, for their health care.
The cyclists, who'll be accompanied by one support car to carry their gear, plan to arrive in Umri around the third week of January, Hay said. They are taking their bicycles along as luggage, plus an array of extra parts and repair equipment.
In addition to raising money for the hospital, the effort already has raised $37,500 to buy 750 bikes for outreach workers in India.
While he's cycling through India, Hay plans to blog daily about the trip, although he hasn't quite figured out the logistics.
"For me, it's a once-in-a-lifetime challenge," he said. "I couldn't do it without the support of the congregation -- they see it as a really important thing to do."
Call Star reporter Diana Penner at (317) 444-6249.
Copyright 2006 IndyStar.com. All rights reserved
***
Want to help?
Tax-deductible donations to Umri Christian Hospital should be sent to the King Trust Charitable Fund, P.O. Box 580, Spring Arbor, MI 49283. Checks should be made out to "Umri Christian Hospital Foundation, Bicycle India 2007."
John Hay Jr., senior pastor at West Morris Street Free Methodist Church, plans to blog daily -- or as often as he can -- while on his 2,000-mile bike trip in India beginning Dec. 30. Follow his trip at www.bicycleindia2007.blogspot.com.
Go to www.bikeindia.org for more.
-- Star report
12.03.2006
To the Indianapolis Star
Dear Editor,
I am a member of a performing arts ensemble that found itself rehearsing today out of St. Luke's UMC on 86th. After spending several hours in the building, I exited with my mother to the parking lot, tossing her the keys so I could take a much needed nap on the ride back to Hendricks County. As we approached my vehicle, she asked me why my window had been left down, and then we both realized together that in fact it was broken, not down, and my dash was torn out. My vents were broken and my stereo was gone- glass shards littered the ground and the interior of my vehicle.
After initial shock and a little sadness, I started trying to gather my wits; fortunately my theif didn't have many. My Daytimer sat out in the open, zipped, still full of my credit cards and money. Turns out all he or she got was in fact the stereo, which appears to have put up a little bit of a fight.
So why do I need to tell you all this, dear Editor, and readers? Because I have no idea how to get in touch with this other human who linked themself to me in this act. But I want them to know something: I forgive you. I'm sorry about whatever circumstances are causing you to steal. I mean it. I'm poor now, but I've been poorer, and I know it hurts. I know sometimes we do things to make ourselves feel better for a little while, and some of those things cost money. Sometimes we have kids who want Christmas presents and we can't even afford to buy them new shoes. I'm sorry because one day you may regret this, and nothing will undo what you did today. I'm sorry that we aren't both a little different, because who knows how else we could have been linked other than this theft of a stereo that I'm sorry to say I'm pretty sure you won't get much money for. I wish you had someone in your life that could help you; maybe you do. Maybe that person will show you this letter. But I want you to know that it's alright. And I hope whatever made you do it gets better so you don't have to do it again.
Insurance isn't covering it, but I'll make it work. I hope you're ok.
-Liza Swart
I am a member of a performing arts ensemble that found itself rehearsing today out of St. Luke's UMC on 86th. After spending several hours in the building, I exited with my mother to the parking lot, tossing her the keys so I could take a much needed nap on the ride back to Hendricks County. As we approached my vehicle, she asked me why my window had been left down, and then we both realized together that in fact it was broken, not down, and my dash was torn out. My vents were broken and my stereo was gone- glass shards littered the ground and the interior of my vehicle.
After initial shock and a little sadness, I started trying to gather my wits; fortunately my theif didn't have many. My Daytimer sat out in the open, zipped, still full of my credit cards and money. Turns out all he or she got was in fact the stereo, which appears to have put up a little bit of a fight.
So why do I need to tell you all this, dear Editor, and readers? Because I have no idea how to get in touch with this other human who linked themself to me in this act. But I want them to know something: I forgive you. I'm sorry about whatever circumstances are causing you to steal. I mean it. I'm poor now, but I've been poorer, and I know it hurts. I know sometimes we do things to make ourselves feel better for a little while, and some of those things cost money. Sometimes we have kids who want Christmas presents and we can't even afford to buy them new shoes. I'm sorry because one day you may regret this, and nothing will undo what you did today. I'm sorry that we aren't both a little different, because who knows how else we could have been linked other than this theft of a stereo that I'm sorry to say I'm pretty sure you won't get much money for. I wish you had someone in your life that could help you; maybe you do. Maybe that person will show you this letter. But I want you to know that it's alright. And I hope whatever made you do it gets better so you don't have to do it again.
Insurance isn't covering it, but I'll make it work. I hope you're ok.
-Liza Swart
11.23.2006
happy thanksgiving.
I just finished cleaning my room, and man it feels nice not to have half of my growing wardrobe on the 2x2 foot space not taken up by furniture. I always vow to myself to keep it clean, keep it neat and tidy... the next thing I know, old cheetos bags are mixed in with guitar picks and dirty sweaters, all crumpled together beneath my feet. Oh, and there is nothing so sweet as the taste of pain after turning an ankle on a shoe hidden by layers of debris. It makes me want to scream, yes!
(whew... I'm all out of breath... just returned from the living room where I had the inaugural christmas dance with my brother. "Simply having a wonderful Christmastime" by Paul McCartney was never meant to be treated with our clumsy renditions of popular dance moves like "the shovel," "the sprinkler," or my personal fave, "the shopping cart." Nobody ever told us though; and if there's one thing I know, it's that you can't thwart the Swarts.)
Today was a really nice day. I did get kinda suffocating-feely after about 4 hours with the fam and left to come home. It was nice to get back to the solace of these four walls. Dad, Dan and Tanya and I went on a walk earlier in the day, from whence comes the picture above. I ate lots of food, including some incredible persimmon pudding and the best sweetpotato casserole I've ever tasted. Everybody was there at different points in the day; tensions rose and fell like an ebbing tide. My family really has a lot of lovely people in it. A couple of phone calls to and from friends also put me in a good frame of mind. I (almost) feel ready to go back to work tomorrow.
I'm actually thinking about getting up early and (yikes) buying a computer. I've been using my grandparents' old Dell since about May, when the crap lap took one final shuddering breath and forever closed its large glassy eye to the cruel world. I really want a mac laptop, but not having the 2500 lying around in petty cash, I may succumb and get a 400 dollar HP desktop tomorrow that could blow the pants off of this baby on a bad day. We'll see what happens. I may leave the house an extra half hour early or so and meander over to Best Buy; if they have it, they have it, if they don't, it will be my message from the heavens. I wish I was more valuable. Then I could just afford to buy things. Oh well. All in the eye of the beholder, I guess. Or the beholden.
So, darlings, Christmas is coming, and I wish you all a very merry season. Let's mean it this year.
11.11.2006
what a load.
Dobson Won't Counsel Haggard
Focus On The Family Leader Says He Doesn't Have Enough Time To Devote
Posted: 6:48 PM, Nov. 7, 2006
Last Updated: 1:36 AM, Nov. 8, 2006
By Baaron Pittenger
Focus on the Family leader James Dobson announces he will not participate in the counseling and restoration of former New Life Church Pastor Ted Haggard. Dobson released the following statement regarding his decision:
"It is with great regret -- and after much prayer and discussion with friends and family -- that I have had to reconsider my involvement in the panel overseeing Ted's restoration. Emotionally and spiritually, I wanted to be of help -- but the reality is I don't have the time to devote to such a critical responsibility. Ted and his family will be better served by someone whose energies and attention are not tugged on in quite so many directions.
All of us at Focus on the Family will continue to pray for Ted and Gayle and their children. I certainly hope to speak with him -- friend to friend -- as he moves forward. And I believe if he and his loved ones follow the counsel of Godly mentors and cooperate with the therapeutic process, their best days are ahead."
***
Jake has some really good things to say about this over here.
***
All I have to say is, yikes. Thank jeebus that FOTF rejected me when I applied to their publications department while I was still at Huntington. Dobson, even if you were following a blueprint for being ridiculous, I doubt you'd hit the nail on the head as well as you have been.
Focus On The Family Leader Says He Doesn't Have Enough Time To Devote
Posted: 6:48 PM, Nov. 7, 2006
Last Updated: 1:36 AM, Nov. 8, 2006
By Baaron Pittenger
Focus on the Family leader James Dobson announces he will not participate in the counseling and restoration of former New Life Church Pastor Ted Haggard. Dobson released the following statement regarding his decision:
"It is with great regret -- and after much prayer and discussion with friends and family -- that I have had to reconsider my involvement in the panel overseeing Ted's restoration. Emotionally and spiritually, I wanted to be of help -- but the reality is I don't have the time to devote to such a critical responsibility. Ted and his family will be better served by someone whose energies and attention are not tugged on in quite so many directions.
All of us at Focus on the Family will continue to pray for Ted and Gayle and their children. I certainly hope to speak with him -- friend to friend -- as he moves forward. And I believe if he and his loved ones follow the counsel of Godly mentors and cooperate with the therapeutic process, their best days are ahead."
***
Jake has some really good things to say about this over here.
***
All I have to say is, yikes. Thank jeebus that FOTF rejected me when I applied to their publications department while I was still at Huntington. Dobson, even if you were following a blueprint for being ridiculous, I doubt you'd hit the nail on the head as well as you have been.
11.05.2006
Ted talks
straight from the horse's mouth here. I do think it is a mistake for him to be wishy-washy about what's true and what's not; people will always jump to the worst conclusions. but one thing is sure; Ted is a marked man. As my dad would say, "cart retrieval."
Ousted evangelist confesses to followers
By COLLEEN SLEVIN, Associated Press Writer 1 hour, 45 minutes ago
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. - Less than 24 hours after he was fired from the pulpit of the evangelical megachurch he founded, the Rev. Ted Haggard confessed to his followers Sunday that he was guilty of sexual immorality.
In a letter that was read to the congregation of the New Life Church by another clergyman, Haggard apologized for his acts and requested forgiveness.
"I am so sorry for the circumstances that have caused shame and embarrassment for all of you," he said, adding that he had confused the situation by giving inconsistent remarks to reporters denying the scandal.
"The fact is I am guilty of sexual immorality. And I take responsibility for the entire problem. I am a deceiver and a liar. There's a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I have been warring against it for all of my adult life," he said.
Haggard resigned last week as president of the National Association of Evangelicals, where he held sway in Washington and condemned homosexuality, after a man claimed to have had drug-fueled homosexual trysts with him. Haggard also placed himself on administrative leave from the New Life Church, which has 14,000 members, but its independent Overseer Board fired him on Saturday.
In his letter, Haggard said "the accusations made against me are not all true but enough of them are that I was appropriately removed from his church leadership position."
He did not give details on which accusations were true.
The letter was read to the church by the Rev. Larry Stockstill, senior pastor of Bethany World Prayer Center in Baker, La., and a member of the board that fired Haggard.
Youngsters were sent out of the room before elders began speaking about the church crisis.
"Worshippers are always challenged by crisis. And when tragedy and crisis strikes it is at that moment that you truly decide if you are a worshipper of the most high god. And today as the worship pastor of this church I am very proud of you," said the Rev. Ross Parsley, who has replaced Haggard.
"I am so grateful for the government system in place here at this church. ... The speed with which things were dealt with this week has been a testimony to the godliness, to the integrity and authority of the overseers of the board of this church," he said.
Haggard, 50, had acknowledged on Friday that he paid Mike Jones of Denver for a massage and for methamphetamine, but said he did not have sex with him and did not take the drug.
The Overseer Board, made up clergy from various churches, used stronger language.
"Our investigation and Pastor Haggard's public statements have proven without a doubt that he has committed sexually immoral conduct," the board said in a statement.
The NEA, representing 30 million evangelicals, named the Rev. Leith Anderson, senior pastor of Wooddale Church in Eden Prairie, Minn., as its interim president.
Jones said in a telephone interview Sunday: "I am sad for him and his family. I know this is a tough day for him also. I wish him well. I wish his family well. My intent was never to destroy his family. My intent was to expose a hypocrite.
"I hope the healing process can start. I welcome his request for forgiveness for me."
Haggard's situation is a disappointment to Christian conservatives, whom
President Bush and other Republicans are courting heavily in the run-up to Tuesday's election.
Many were already disheartened with the president and the Republican-controlled Congress over their failure to deliver big gains on social issues even before the congressional page scandal involving former Rep. Mark Foley (news, bio, voting record).
Haggard, who had been president of the evangelical association since 2003, has participated in conference calls with White House staffers and lobbied Congress last year on Supreme Court nominees.
Haggard founded New Life in the mid-1980s and held its first services in the basement of his Colorado Springs home.
Jones, who said he is gay, said he was upset when he discovered who Haggard was and found out that New Life had publicly opposed same-sex marriage — a key issue in Colorado, with a pair of issues on Tuesday's ballot.
___
Associated Press reporter Robert Weller in Denver contributed to this report.
Ousted evangelist confesses to followers
By COLLEEN SLEVIN, Associated Press Writer 1 hour, 45 minutes ago
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. - Less than 24 hours after he was fired from the pulpit of the evangelical megachurch he founded, the Rev. Ted Haggard confessed to his followers Sunday that he was guilty of sexual immorality.
In a letter that was read to the congregation of the New Life Church by another clergyman, Haggard apologized for his acts and requested forgiveness.
"I am so sorry for the circumstances that have caused shame and embarrassment for all of you," he said, adding that he had confused the situation by giving inconsistent remarks to reporters denying the scandal.
"The fact is I am guilty of sexual immorality. And I take responsibility for the entire problem. I am a deceiver and a liar. There's a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I have been warring against it for all of my adult life," he said.
Haggard resigned last week as president of the National Association of Evangelicals, where he held sway in Washington and condemned homosexuality, after a man claimed to have had drug-fueled homosexual trysts with him. Haggard also placed himself on administrative leave from the New Life Church, which has 14,000 members, but its independent Overseer Board fired him on Saturday.
In his letter, Haggard said "the accusations made against me are not all true but enough of them are that I was appropriately removed from his church leadership position."
He did not give details on which accusations were true.
The letter was read to the church by the Rev. Larry Stockstill, senior pastor of Bethany World Prayer Center in Baker, La., and a member of the board that fired Haggard.
Youngsters were sent out of the room before elders began speaking about the church crisis.
"Worshippers are always challenged by crisis. And when tragedy and crisis strikes it is at that moment that you truly decide if you are a worshipper of the most high god. And today as the worship pastor of this church I am very proud of you," said the Rev. Ross Parsley, who has replaced Haggard.
"I am so grateful for the government system in place here at this church. ... The speed with which things were dealt with this week has been a testimony to the godliness, to the integrity and authority of the overseers of the board of this church," he said.
Haggard, 50, had acknowledged on Friday that he paid Mike Jones of Denver for a massage and for methamphetamine, but said he did not have sex with him and did not take the drug.
The Overseer Board, made up clergy from various churches, used stronger language.
"Our investigation and Pastor Haggard's public statements have proven without a doubt that he has committed sexually immoral conduct," the board said in a statement.
The NEA, representing 30 million evangelicals, named the Rev. Leith Anderson, senior pastor of Wooddale Church in Eden Prairie, Minn., as its interim president.
Jones said in a telephone interview Sunday: "I am sad for him and his family. I know this is a tough day for him also. I wish him well. I wish his family well. My intent was never to destroy his family. My intent was to expose a hypocrite.
"I hope the healing process can start. I welcome his request for forgiveness for me."
Haggard's situation is a disappointment to Christian conservatives, whom
President Bush and other Republicans are courting heavily in the run-up to Tuesday's election.
Many were already disheartened with the president and the Republican-controlled Congress over their failure to deliver big gains on social issues even before the congressional page scandal involving former Rep. Mark Foley (news, bio, voting record).
Haggard, who had been president of the evangelical association since 2003, has participated in conference calls with White House staffers and lobbied Congress last year on Supreme Court nominees.
Haggard founded New Life in the mid-1980s and held its first services in the basement of his Colorado Springs home.
Jones, who said he is gay, said he was upset when he discovered who Haggard was and found out that New Life had publicly opposed same-sex marriage — a key issue in Colorado, with a pair of issues on Tuesday's ballot.
___
Associated Press reporter Robert Weller in Denver contributed to this report.
out
recent developments: ted's officially fired/out of everything he once gave birth to. Jake's idea of having him get a new publicist appears to have been noticed; "He is a man who has done a lot of good and who hopefully after a period of repentance and counsel and spiritual restoration will have a future ministry at some point," Cizik said.
So Ted won't be gone forever, probably. Unlike the warm affection of his wife, which will. Also, I found the last quote of the article chilling; particularly so because that's where the story ends.... for now. Dun dun dun.
Evangelical ousted amid gay sex scandal
By KIM NGUYEN, Associated Press Writer 16 minutes ago
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. - The Rev. Ted Haggard was dismissed Saturday as leader of the megachurch he founded after a board determined the influential evangelist had committed "sexually immoral conduct," the church said.
Haggard had resigned two days earlier as president of the National Association of Evangelicals, where he held sway in Washington and condemned homosexuality, after a Denver man named Mike Jones claimed to have had drug-fueled trysts with him. He also had placed himself on administrative leave from the New Life Church, but its Overseer Board took the stronger action Saturday.
"Our investigation and Pastor Haggard's public statements have proven without a doubt that he has committed sexually immoral conduct," the independent board said in a statement.
Haggard was "informed of this decision," the statement said, and he "agreed as well that he should be dismissed."
Haggard, 50, on Friday acknowledged paying Jones for a massage and for methamphetamine, but said he did not have sex with him and did not take the drug.
The statement from the 14,000-member church said the investigation would continue to determine the extent of the misconduct. The Rev. Mike Ware of Victory Church in Westminster, a member of the board, declined to characterize what investigators found but said the board did not talk to Jones.
Haggard did not answer his home or mobile phones Saturday, and neither was accepting messages. The Rev. Rob Brendle, an associate pastor at New Life, said Haggard was out of town.
"We are fully confident in the board's judgment and decision," Brendle said. "Everyone supports Ted and his family. We stand by him."
Jones said the news of Haggard's dismissal made him sad.
"I feel really bad for his wife and family and his congregation. I know it's a sad day for them, too," Jones said. "I feel bad when someone has so many attachments to others. It affects everyone. I'm certainly not cheering or jumping up and down over what's happened.
"I just hope the family has peace and can come to terms with things. I hope they can continue with a happy life."
The Rev. Ross Parsley will lead the church until a permanent replacement for Haggard is chosen by the end of the year, the statement said. A letter explaining Haggard's removal and an apology from him will be read at Sunday services.
Haggard's situation is a disappointment to Christian conservatives, whom
President Bush and other Republicans are courting heavily in the run-up to Tuesday's election.
Many were already disheartened with the president and the Republican-controlled Congress over their failure to deliver big gains on social issues even before the congressional page scandal involving former Rep. Mark Foley (news, bio, voting record).
Haggard, who had been president of the evangelical association since 2003, has participated in conference calls with White House staffers and lobbied Congress last year on Supreme Court nominees.
Haggard visited the White House once or twice, Deputy Press Secretary Tony Fratto said Friday.
Richard Cizik, the evangelical association's vice president for governmental affairs, called Haggard's ouster "heartbreaking and unfortunate."
"He is a man who has done a lot of good and who hopefully after a period of repentance and counsel and spiritual restoration will have a future ministry at some point," Cizik said.
The association has named President Leith Anderson, senior pastor of Wooddale Church in Eden Prairie, Minn., as its interim president.
The board's decision cuts Haggard off from leadership of the massive church he founded in the mid-1980s. He held New Life's first services in the unfinished basement of his Colorado Springs home.
Jones, who said he is gay, said he was upset when he discovered who Haggard was and found out that the New Life Church had publicly opposed same-sex marriage — a key issue in Colorado, with a pair of issues on Tuesday's ballot.
"It made me angry that here's someone preaching about gay marriage and going behind the scenes having gay sex," Jones said.
Jones has denied selling drugs but said Haggard snorted methamphetamine before their sexual encounters to heighten his experience. Jones agreed to take a lie-detector test Friday; the administrator of the test said the answers about his sex allegations "indicated deception."
But Jones said Saturday: "Obviously they determined there was sexual indiscretions, so I think that vindicates my claim."
Haggard told reporters he bought meth but never used it; he said he received a massage from Jones after being referred to him by a Denver hotel. Jones said that no hotel referred Haggard and that he advertises only in gay publications.
In a TV interview this week, Haggard said: "Never had a gay relationship with anybody, and I'm steady with my wife, I'm faithful to my wife."
Church member Christine Rayes, 47, said the congregation had hoped the allegations "were all lies."
"We all have to move forward now," she said. "This doesn't make what Ted accomplished here any less. The farther up you are, the more you are a target for Satan."
___
Associated Press writer Judith Kohler contributed to this report.
So Ted won't be gone forever, probably. Unlike the warm affection of his wife, which will. Also, I found the last quote of the article chilling; particularly so because that's where the story ends.... for now. Dun dun dun.
Evangelical ousted amid gay sex scandal
By KIM NGUYEN, Associated Press Writer 16 minutes ago
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. - The Rev. Ted Haggard was dismissed Saturday as leader of the megachurch he founded after a board determined the influential evangelist had committed "sexually immoral conduct," the church said.
Haggard had resigned two days earlier as president of the National Association of Evangelicals, where he held sway in Washington and condemned homosexuality, after a Denver man named Mike Jones claimed to have had drug-fueled trysts with him. He also had placed himself on administrative leave from the New Life Church, but its Overseer Board took the stronger action Saturday.
"Our investigation and Pastor Haggard's public statements have proven without a doubt that he has committed sexually immoral conduct," the independent board said in a statement.
Haggard was "informed of this decision," the statement said, and he "agreed as well that he should be dismissed."
Haggard, 50, on Friday acknowledged paying Jones for a massage and for methamphetamine, but said he did not have sex with him and did not take the drug.
The statement from the 14,000-member church said the investigation would continue to determine the extent of the misconduct. The Rev. Mike Ware of Victory Church in Westminster, a member of the board, declined to characterize what investigators found but said the board did not talk to Jones.
Haggard did not answer his home or mobile phones Saturday, and neither was accepting messages. The Rev. Rob Brendle, an associate pastor at New Life, said Haggard was out of town.
"We are fully confident in the board's judgment and decision," Brendle said. "Everyone supports Ted and his family. We stand by him."
Jones said the news of Haggard's dismissal made him sad.
"I feel really bad for his wife and family and his congregation. I know it's a sad day for them, too," Jones said. "I feel bad when someone has so many attachments to others. It affects everyone. I'm certainly not cheering or jumping up and down over what's happened.
"I just hope the family has peace and can come to terms with things. I hope they can continue with a happy life."
The Rev. Ross Parsley will lead the church until a permanent replacement for Haggard is chosen by the end of the year, the statement said. A letter explaining Haggard's removal and an apology from him will be read at Sunday services.
Haggard's situation is a disappointment to Christian conservatives, whom
President Bush and other Republicans are courting heavily in the run-up to Tuesday's election.
Many were already disheartened with the president and the Republican-controlled Congress over their failure to deliver big gains on social issues even before the congressional page scandal involving former Rep. Mark Foley (news, bio, voting record).
Haggard, who had been president of the evangelical association since 2003, has participated in conference calls with White House staffers and lobbied Congress last year on Supreme Court nominees.
Haggard visited the White House once or twice, Deputy Press Secretary Tony Fratto said Friday.
Richard Cizik, the evangelical association's vice president for governmental affairs, called Haggard's ouster "heartbreaking and unfortunate."
"He is a man who has done a lot of good and who hopefully after a period of repentance and counsel and spiritual restoration will have a future ministry at some point," Cizik said.
The association has named President Leith Anderson, senior pastor of Wooddale Church in Eden Prairie, Minn., as its interim president.
The board's decision cuts Haggard off from leadership of the massive church he founded in the mid-1980s. He held New Life's first services in the unfinished basement of his Colorado Springs home.
Jones, who said he is gay, said he was upset when he discovered who Haggard was and found out that the New Life Church had publicly opposed same-sex marriage — a key issue in Colorado, with a pair of issues on Tuesday's ballot.
"It made me angry that here's someone preaching about gay marriage and going behind the scenes having gay sex," Jones said.
Jones has denied selling drugs but said Haggard snorted methamphetamine before their sexual encounters to heighten his experience. Jones agreed to take a lie-detector test Friday; the administrator of the test said the answers about his sex allegations "indicated deception."
But Jones said Saturday: "Obviously they determined there was sexual indiscretions, so I think that vindicates my claim."
Haggard told reporters he bought meth but never used it; he said he received a massage from Jones after being referred to him by a Denver hotel. Jones said that no hotel referred Haggard and that he advertises only in gay publications.
In a TV interview this week, Haggard said: "Never had a gay relationship with anybody, and I'm steady with my wife, I'm faithful to my wife."
Church member Christine Rayes, 47, said the congregation had hoped the allegations "were all lies."
"We all have to move forward now," she said. "This doesn't make what Ted accomplished here any less. The farther up you are, the more you are a target for Satan."
___
Associated Press writer Judith Kohler contributed to this report.
11.04.2006
liars, liars, all around, liars, liars, bring it down town
Things are starting to get good, people.
Note in this most recent article, Teddy claims to have bought meth from fake masseur.
Masseur denies this claim, stating he sent Ted elsewhere for drugs, then slept with him once he was high. I'm a little skeptical of this; if you scroll down to earlier articles posted, you will note that Mike Jones offered messages along the lines of Ted asking him for drug deals as proof that they were together. Pretty Damning.
Now, as a certified massage therapist living and working in Denver nary a year ago, I can absolutely vouch for his assertation that there was no way a hotel would have directed Ted/Art to him. Unlike Indiana, where I currently reside, there are certification/licensure requirements for CMTs in both Denver AND Colorado Springs. A hotel would not refer a client to someone who did not meet those requirements; not only would it be risky, it would be illegal. Ted had to go a'lookin.
Also, there is the tidbit at the end of the article that Jones failed a lie detector test today. which can only mean one thing.....
THIS CASH COW IS FAR FROM OVER!
above: Mike Jones, Ted's nemesis/lovemachine
Evangelical leader says he bought meth
By CATHERINE TSAI, Associated Press Writer Fri Nov 3, 10:49 PM ET
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. - The Rev. Ted Haggard said Friday he bought methamphetamine and received a massage from a male prostitute. But the influential Christian evangelist insisted he threw the drugs away and never had sex with the man.
Haggard, who as president of the National Association of Evangelicals wielded influence on Capitol Hill and condemned both gay marriage and homosexuality, resigned on Thursday after a Denver man named Mike Jones claimed that he had many drug-fueled trysts with Haggard.
On Friday, Haggard said that he received a massage from Jones after being referred to him by a Denver hotel, and that he bought meth for himself from the man.
But Haggard said he never had sex with Jones. And as for the drugs, "I was tempted, but I never used it," the 50-year-old Haggard told reporters from his vehicle while leaving his home with his wife and three of his five children.
Jones, 49, denied selling meth to Haggard. "Never," he told MSNBC. Haggard "met someone else that I had hooked him up with to buy it."
Jones also scoffed at the idea that a hotel would have sent Haggard to him.
"No concierge in Denver would have referred me," he said. He said he had advertised himself as an escort only in gay publications or on gay Web sites.
Jones did not immediately return calls from The Associated Press on Friday.
In addition to resigning his post at the NAE, which claims 30 million members, Haggard stepped aside as leader of his 14,000-member New Life Church pending a church investigation. In a TV interview this week, he said: "Never had a gay relationship with anybody, and I'm steady with my wife, I'm faithful to my wife."
In Denver, where Jones said his encounters with Haggard took place, police said in a news release they planned to contact the people involved for information on whether a crime was committed. The statement did not say whether an investigation was under way, and police spokeswoman Virginia Quinones declined to elaborate.
Lynn Kimbrough, a spokeswoman for the district attorney's office, said that a public admission isn't enough by itself to bring a case, but that charges will be filed if criminal conduct can be proved.
Jones claims Haggard paid him for sex nearly every month for three years until August. He said Haggard identified himself as "Art." Jones said that he learned who Haggard really was when he saw the evangelical leader on television.
Jones said he went public with the allegations because Haggard has supported a measure on Tuesday's ballot that would amend the state constitution to ban gay marriage. Jones said he was also angry that Haggard in public condemned gay sex.
Haggard, who had been president of the NAE since 2003, has participated in conservative Christian leaders' conference calls with White House staffers and lobbied members of Congress last year on
U.S. Supreme Court nominees.
The NAE's executive committee issued a statement Friday praising Haggard's service but saying "it is especially serious when a pastor and prominent Christian leader deliberately violates God's standards of conduct."
The statement did not mention the allegations against Haggard beyond noting he had admitted to "some indiscretions."
"Due to the seriousness of Rev. Haggard's misconduct while in the leadership roles he held, we anticipate that an extended period of recovery will be appropriate," the statement said.
White House Deputy Press Secretary Tony Fratto said Friday that Haggard had visited the White House once or twice and participated in some of the conference calls. He declined to comment further, calling the matter a personal issue for Haggard.
Corwin Smidt, a political scientist at Calvin College in Grand Rapids, Mich., and director of the Institute for the Study of Christianity and Politics there, said that Haggard's role with the association gave him some political clout, but that the group's focus is more on religion than political activism.
"It isn't necessarily that all evangelicals are paying close attention to what he's saying and doing, but he is an important leader," Smidt said.
James Dobson, head of Focus on the Family, an influential conservative Christian ministry based in Colorado Springs, said he was "heartsick" over the allegations. He described Haggard as his close friend and colleague.
Aaron Stern, another pastor at New Life, told Associated Press Television News on Friday that Haggard is a man of integrity and that church members don't know whether to believe the allegations.
Stern said he has been telling church members seeking his advice: "People do things we don't expect them to do, but in the midst of all of that our God is faithful, our God is strong."
Jones took a lie-detector test Friday, and his answers to questions about whether he had sexual contact with Haggard "indicated deception," said John Kresnick, who administered the test free at the request of a Denver radio station.
Jones told reporters afterward: "I am confused why I failed that, other than the fact that I'm totally exhausted."
___
Associated Press writers Robert Weller and Dan Elliott in Denver contributed to this report
Note in this most recent article, Teddy claims to have bought meth from fake masseur.
Masseur denies this claim, stating he sent Ted elsewhere for drugs, then slept with him once he was high. I'm a little skeptical of this; if you scroll down to earlier articles posted, you will note that Mike Jones offered messages along the lines of Ted asking him for drug deals as proof that they were together. Pretty Damning.
Now, as a certified massage therapist living and working in Denver nary a year ago, I can absolutely vouch for his assertation that there was no way a hotel would have directed Ted/Art to him. Unlike Indiana, where I currently reside, there are certification/licensure requirements for CMTs in both Denver AND Colorado Springs. A hotel would not refer a client to someone who did not meet those requirements; not only would it be risky, it would be illegal. Ted had to go a'lookin.
Also, there is the tidbit at the end of the article that Jones failed a lie detector test today. which can only mean one thing.....
THIS CASH COW IS FAR FROM OVER!
above: Mike Jones, Ted's nemesis/lovemachine
Evangelical leader says he bought meth
By CATHERINE TSAI, Associated Press Writer Fri Nov 3, 10:49 PM ET
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. - The Rev. Ted Haggard said Friday he bought methamphetamine and received a massage from a male prostitute. But the influential Christian evangelist insisted he threw the drugs away and never had sex with the man.
Haggard, who as president of the National Association of Evangelicals wielded influence on Capitol Hill and condemned both gay marriage and homosexuality, resigned on Thursday after a Denver man named Mike Jones claimed that he had many drug-fueled trysts with Haggard.
On Friday, Haggard said that he received a massage from Jones after being referred to him by a Denver hotel, and that he bought meth for himself from the man.
But Haggard said he never had sex with Jones. And as for the drugs, "I was tempted, but I never used it," the 50-year-old Haggard told reporters from his vehicle while leaving his home with his wife and three of his five children.
Jones, 49, denied selling meth to Haggard. "Never," he told MSNBC. Haggard "met someone else that I had hooked him up with to buy it."
Jones also scoffed at the idea that a hotel would have sent Haggard to him.
"No concierge in Denver would have referred me," he said. He said he had advertised himself as an escort only in gay publications or on gay Web sites.
Jones did not immediately return calls from The Associated Press on Friday.
In addition to resigning his post at the NAE, which claims 30 million members, Haggard stepped aside as leader of his 14,000-member New Life Church pending a church investigation. In a TV interview this week, he said: "Never had a gay relationship with anybody, and I'm steady with my wife, I'm faithful to my wife."
In Denver, where Jones said his encounters with Haggard took place, police said in a news release they planned to contact the people involved for information on whether a crime was committed. The statement did not say whether an investigation was under way, and police spokeswoman Virginia Quinones declined to elaborate.
Lynn Kimbrough, a spokeswoman for the district attorney's office, said that a public admission isn't enough by itself to bring a case, but that charges will be filed if criminal conduct can be proved.
Jones claims Haggard paid him for sex nearly every month for three years until August. He said Haggard identified himself as "Art." Jones said that he learned who Haggard really was when he saw the evangelical leader on television.
Jones said he went public with the allegations because Haggard has supported a measure on Tuesday's ballot that would amend the state constitution to ban gay marriage. Jones said he was also angry that Haggard in public condemned gay sex.
Haggard, who had been president of the NAE since 2003, has participated in conservative Christian leaders' conference calls with White House staffers and lobbied members of Congress last year on
U.S. Supreme Court nominees.
The NAE's executive committee issued a statement Friday praising Haggard's service but saying "it is especially serious when a pastor and prominent Christian leader deliberately violates God's standards of conduct."
The statement did not mention the allegations against Haggard beyond noting he had admitted to "some indiscretions."
"Due to the seriousness of Rev. Haggard's misconduct while in the leadership roles he held, we anticipate that an extended period of recovery will be appropriate," the statement said.
White House Deputy Press Secretary Tony Fratto said Friday that Haggard had visited the White House once or twice and participated in some of the conference calls. He declined to comment further, calling the matter a personal issue for Haggard.
Corwin Smidt, a political scientist at Calvin College in Grand Rapids, Mich., and director of the Institute for the Study of Christianity and Politics there, said that Haggard's role with the association gave him some political clout, but that the group's focus is more on religion than political activism.
"It isn't necessarily that all evangelicals are paying close attention to what he's saying and doing, but he is an important leader," Smidt said.
James Dobson, head of Focus on the Family, an influential conservative Christian ministry based in Colorado Springs, said he was "heartsick" over the allegations. He described Haggard as his close friend and colleague.
Aaron Stern, another pastor at New Life, told Associated Press Television News on Friday that Haggard is a man of integrity and that church members don't know whether to believe the allegations.
Stern said he has been telling church members seeking his advice: "People do things we don't expect them to do, but in the midst of all of that our God is faithful, our God is strong."
Jones took a lie-detector test Friday, and his answers to questions about whether he had sexual contact with Haggard "indicated deception," said John Kresnick, who administered the test free at the request of a Denver radio station.
Jones told reporters afterward: "I am confused why I failed that, other than the fact that I'm totally exhausted."
___
Associated Press writers Robert Weller and Dan Elliott in Denver contributed to this report
11.03.2006
Dobson turns on the heat
Ok, here's another article, recently released, that I'm also including not because of new information but because of Dobson's bold statement; he obviously gives Haggard a lot of credit for personally running Christ's kingdom. Not that I don't think teddyboy's choices don't have pretty dire consequences, but I think they're more damning to conservativism/religious hypocracy/GOPers/closeted gay men (not to imply that those are the same things... just all affected) than to Christianity specifically. Just like most Muslims probably hope that people look at the 9/11 terrorists as jihad-driven fundamentalists, and not intricately tied into the peace-based religion that Mohammed founded so long ago.
Haggard case fuels debate over hypocrisy
By DAVID CRARY, AP National Writer 2 hours, 31 minutes ago
With the Mark Foley scandal still troubling Republicans, one of the nation's top evangelical leaders is now accused of paying for gay sex. Heading into Tuesday's election, when voters in eight states will decide on gay marriage bans, liberals and some conservatives are saying the party that prides itself on family values has a hypocrisy problem.
Ted Haggard, a staunch foe of gay marriage and occasional participant in White House conference calls, resigned as president of the National Association of Evangelicals and head of his Colorado church following allegations he met monthly with a gay prostitute for three years. Haggard denies having sex with the man, but admits receiving a massage and buying methamphetamine.
Five weeks ago, Foley — a vocal advocate for exploited children — resigned from Congress because of sexually tinged messages to male pages. Rep. Don Sherwood (news, bio, voting record), R-Pa., a married father of three, has been burdened by revelations about his five-year affair with a mistress who says he physically abused her.
"The attention focused on these cases will inescapably lead people to think about these people's hypocrisy," said Matt Foreman, executive director of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. "They make a career out of defaming gay people and preaching family values, when it's clear that it's just a veneer."
Stephen Bennett, a conservative activist who describes himself as a former homosexual, also suggested the Haggard case would have political consequences.
"Will this affect the elections next Tuesday? ... You better believe it," he said in a statement from the Huntington, Conn., base of Stephen Bennett Ministries. "The more and more hypocrisy I see each day, the more I realize next Tuesday we are going to get exactly what we deserve."
Other conservatives disagreed — saying support for the gay-marriage bans and for GOP candidates would not be diminished. And John Green, a senior fellow at the Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life, said Haggard isn't close enough to
President Bush to be an ally, merely a supporter.
"We have great sympathy and disappointment, and can even be demoralized when a leader falls into sin," said Wendy Wright, president of Concerned Women for America. "That doesn't mean we're going to vote against an amendment to protect marriage."
Republican pollster Whit Ayres acknowledged religious conservatives are discouraged about several issues this fall, but "are they so discouraged they're going to participate in any movement to have
Howard Dean and Nancy Pelosi run the country? No."
The allegations against Haggard emerged only a few days before Coloradans vote on two ballot measures dealing with marriage and gay rights. One, backed by Haggard, specifies that marriage is only between a man and a woman; the other would provide many rights to same-sex couples through domestic partnerships.
Both the pro- and anti-ban campaigns in Colorado declined to comment on how the Haggard case might affect voting on the measures. A Colorado College political science professor, Bob Loevy, suggested there could be a burst of support for the marriage ban if voters felt the accusations against Haggard were timed to sway the referendums.
Referring to conservative voters in Colorado Springs, Haggard's hometown, Loevy said: "They don't get disenchanted easily."
Colorado Springs is the base of the influential Christian ministry Focus on the Family, which has campaigned vigorously against same-sex marriage. Its founder and chairman, James Dobson, said he was "heartsick" over the Haggard allegations.
"We will await the outcome of this story, but the possibility that an illicit relationship has occurred is alarming to us and to millions of others," Dobson said. "The situation has grave implications for the cause of Christ."
White House spokesman Tony Fratto said Haggard was on the weekly calls between Bush aides and evangelical leaders only "a couple" of times. The minister has visited the White House, but "there've been a lot of people who've come to the White House," Fratto said. He expressed confidence that evangelical voters can distinguish between an individual's problems and the GOP's agenda.
Indeed, the National Association of Evangelicals represents a political constituency that has been staunchly Republican in recent years. In 2004, according to exit polling, 78 percent of white born-again evangelical Christians voted for President Bush, and 72 percent voted for the GOP candidate for House.
An AP-AOL News poll in October showed a mild decline in evangelical support for the GOP, and 43 percent said they were dissatisfied with the Republican leadership in Congress. The poll found them no more or less likely to turn out on election day than voters generally.
David Kuo, a born-again Christian and former White House aide who wrote the book "Tempting Faith, An Inside Story of Political Seduction," said Haggard's situation is magnified by his and other evangelicals' involvement in Republican politics.
"It's religious hypocrisy with a political rocket booster," said Kuo, who thinks politics is corrupting Christianity. "It's tragedy enough if a pastor falls, but this is not about a pastor falling. This is about a politician falling, and the politician is bringing down Jesus with him."
more
Evangelist admits meth, massage, no sex
By CATHERINE TSAI, Associated Press Writer 35 minutes ago
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. - Evangelist Ted Haggard admitted Friday that he bought methamphetamine and received a massage from a gay prostitute who claims he was paid for drug-fueled trysts by the outspoken gay marriage opponent.
Haggard resigned Thursday as president of the National Association of Evangelicals and stepped down as leader of his Colorado megachurch while the two groups investigate the allegations.
Talking to reporters outside his house Friday, Haggard denied the sex allegations but said that he did buy meth from the man because he was curious.
"I bought it for myself but never used it," he said. "I was tempted, but I never used it."
Haggard, a married father of five, said he never had sex with Mike Jones, a 49-year-old male prostitute who sparked the scandal when he told a radio station he had had a three-year sexual relationship with the minister. He said he did get a massage from Jones after being referred to him by a Denver hotel.
Haggard resigned as president of the 30 million-member association Thursday and stepped down as the leader of the New Life Church pending investigations into Jones' claims.
The executive committee of the National Association of Evangelicals, which claims 30 million members, planned a conference call Friday and said it would release a statement afterward.
The acting pastor of Haggard's New Life Church, Ross Parsley, told congregants in an e-mail that the church's four-member board of overseers had met with Haggard on Thursday.
"It is important for you to know that he confessed to the overseers that some of the accusations against him are true. He has willingly and humbly submitted to the authority of the board of overseers, and will remain on administrative leave during the course of the investigation," the e-mail stated.
The scandal hit as voters in Colorado and seven other states are getting ready to decide Tuesday on amendments banning gay marriage. Besides the proposed ban on the Colorado ballot, a separate measure would establish the legality of domestic partnerships providing same-sex couples with many of the rights of married couples.
Members of Haggard's 14,000-member megachurch were stunned.
"It's political, right before the elections," said Brian Boals, a New Life member for 17 years.
Church member E.J. Cox, 25, called the claims "ridiculous."
"People are always saying stuff about Pastor Ted," she said. "You just sort of blow it off. He's just like anyone else in the public eye."
Jones said he decided to go public because he was also upset when he discovered Haggard and the New Life Church had publicly opposed same-sex marriage.
"It made me angry that here's someone preaching about gay marriage and going behind the scenes having gay sex," he said.
"I just want people to step back and take a look and say, 'Look, we're all sinners, we all have faults, but if two people want to get married, just let them, and let them have a happy life,'" said Jones, who added that he isn't working for any political group.
Jones claimed that Haggard, 50, paid him to have sex nearly every month over three years. He said he advertised himself as an escort on the Internet and was contacted by a man who called himself Art, who snorted methamphetamine before their sexual encounters to heighten his experience.
Jones said he later saw the man on television identified as Haggard and that the two last had sex in August.
He said he has voice mail messages from Haggard, as well as an envelope he said Haggard used to mail him cash. He declined to make the voice mails available to the AP, but KUSA-TV reported what it said were excerpts late Thursday that referred to methamphetamine.
"Hi Mike, this is Art," one call began, according to the station. "Hey, I was just calling to see if we could get any more. Either $100 or $200 supply."
A second message, left a few hours later, began: "Hi Mike, this is Art, I am here in Denver and sorry that I missed you. But as I said, if you want to go ahead and get the stuff, then that would be great. And I'll get it sometime next week or the week after or whenever."
Haggard was appointed president of the evangelicals association in March 2003. He has participated in conservative Christian leaders' conference calls with White House staffers and lobbied members of Congress last year on
U.S. Supreme Court appointees after
Sandra Day O'Connor announced her retirement.
After Massachusetts legalized gay marriage in 2004, Haggard and others began organizing state-by-state opposition. Last year, Haggard and officials from the nearby Christian ministry Focus on the Family announced plans to push Colorado's gay marriage ban for the 2006 ballot.
At the time, Haggard said that he believed marriage is a union between a man and woman rooted in centuries of tradition, and that research shows it's the best family unit for children.
___
Associated Press Writer Dan Elliott contributed to this report from Denver.
By CATHERINE TSAI, Associated Press Writer 35 minutes ago
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. - Evangelist Ted Haggard admitted Friday that he bought methamphetamine and received a massage from a gay prostitute who claims he was paid for drug-fueled trysts by the outspoken gay marriage opponent.
Haggard resigned Thursday as president of the National Association of Evangelicals and stepped down as leader of his Colorado megachurch while the two groups investigate the allegations.
Talking to reporters outside his house Friday, Haggard denied the sex allegations but said that he did buy meth from the man because he was curious.
"I bought it for myself but never used it," he said. "I was tempted, but I never used it."
Haggard, a married father of five, said he never had sex with Mike Jones, a 49-year-old male prostitute who sparked the scandal when he told a radio station he had had a three-year sexual relationship with the minister. He said he did get a massage from Jones after being referred to him by a Denver hotel.
Haggard resigned as president of the 30 million-member association Thursday and stepped down as the leader of the New Life Church pending investigations into Jones' claims.
The executive committee of the National Association of Evangelicals, which claims 30 million members, planned a conference call Friday and said it would release a statement afterward.
The acting pastor of Haggard's New Life Church, Ross Parsley, told congregants in an e-mail that the church's four-member board of overseers had met with Haggard on Thursday.
"It is important for you to know that he confessed to the overseers that some of the accusations against him are true. He has willingly and humbly submitted to the authority of the board of overseers, and will remain on administrative leave during the course of the investigation," the e-mail stated.
The scandal hit as voters in Colorado and seven other states are getting ready to decide Tuesday on amendments banning gay marriage. Besides the proposed ban on the Colorado ballot, a separate measure would establish the legality of domestic partnerships providing same-sex couples with many of the rights of married couples.
Members of Haggard's 14,000-member megachurch were stunned.
"It's political, right before the elections," said Brian Boals, a New Life member for 17 years.
Church member E.J. Cox, 25, called the claims "ridiculous."
"People are always saying stuff about Pastor Ted," she said. "You just sort of blow it off. He's just like anyone else in the public eye."
Jones said he decided to go public because he was also upset when he discovered Haggard and the New Life Church had publicly opposed same-sex marriage.
"It made me angry that here's someone preaching about gay marriage and going behind the scenes having gay sex," he said.
"I just want people to step back and take a look and say, 'Look, we're all sinners, we all have faults, but if two people want to get married, just let them, and let them have a happy life,'" said Jones, who added that he isn't working for any political group.
Jones claimed that Haggard, 50, paid him to have sex nearly every month over three years. He said he advertised himself as an escort on the Internet and was contacted by a man who called himself Art, who snorted methamphetamine before their sexual encounters to heighten his experience.
Jones said he later saw the man on television identified as Haggard and that the two last had sex in August.
He said he has voice mail messages from Haggard, as well as an envelope he said Haggard used to mail him cash. He declined to make the voice mails available to the AP, but KUSA-TV reported what it said were excerpts late Thursday that referred to methamphetamine.
"Hi Mike, this is Art," one call began, according to the station. "Hey, I was just calling to see if we could get any more. Either $100 or $200 supply."
A second message, left a few hours later, began: "Hi Mike, this is Art, I am here in Denver and sorry that I missed you. But as I said, if you want to go ahead and get the stuff, then that would be great. And I'll get it sometime next week or the week after or whenever."
Haggard was appointed president of the evangelicals association in March 2003. He has participated in conservative Christian leaders' conference calls with White House staffers and lobbied members of Congress last year on
U.S. Supreme Court appointees after
Sandra Day O'Connor announced her retirement.
After Massachusetts legalized gay marriage in 2004, Haggard and others began organizing state-by-state opposition. Last year, Haggard and officials from the nearby Christian ministry Focus on the Family announced plans to push Colorado's gay marriage ban for the 2006 ballot.
At the time, Haggard said that he believed marriage is a union between a man and woman rooted in centuries of tradition, and that research shows it's the best family unit for children.
___
Associated Press Writer Dan Elliott contributed to this report from Denver.
Fag Hag, or, I just caught on fire
A special disclaimer- I have been in this very room, under this very large globe before, about a year ago. I have known several folks that have attended this church. I can't claim to be nearly as surprised as I should be. That said, take it away Ted, you man-about-town, you!
Key Evangelical quits amid gay sex claim
By CATHERINE TSAI, Associated Press Writer 1 hour, 16 minutes ago
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. - The leader of the 30 million-member National Association of Evangelicals, a vocal opponent of same-sex marriage, resigned Thursday after being accused of paying for sex with a man in monthly trysts over the past three years.
The Rev. Ted Haggard, a married father of five who has been called one of the most influential evangelical Christians in the nation, denied the allegations. His accuser refused to share voice mails that he said backed up his claim.
Haggard also stepped aside as head of his 14,000-member New Life Church while a church panel investigates, saying he could "not continue to minister under the cloud created by the accusations."
"I am voluntarily stepping aside from leadership so that the overseer process can be allowed to proceed with integrity," Haggard said in a written statement. "I hope to be able to discuss this matter in more detail at a later date."
He also told KUSA-TV late Wednesday: "Never had a gay relationship with anybody, and I'm steady with my wife, I'm faithful to my wife."
The allegations come as voters in Colorado and seven other states get ready to decide Tuesday on amendments banning gay marriage. Besides the proposed ban on the Colorado ballot, a separate measure would establish the legality of domestic partnerships providing same-sex couples with many of the rights of married couples.
Mike Jones, 49, of Denver told The Associated Press he decided to go public with his allegations because of the political fight. Jones, who said he is gay, said he was upset when he discovered Haggard and the New Life Church had publicly opposed same-sex marriage.
"It made me angry that here's someone preaching about gay marriage and going behind the scenes having gay sex," said Jones, who added that he isn't working for any political group.
Jones, whose allegations were first aired on KHOW-AM radio in Denver, claimed Haggard paid him to have sex nearly every month over three years. Jones also said Haggard snorted methamphetamine before their sexual encounters to heighten his experience.
Haggard and his attorney, Martin Nussbaum, did not return calls Thursday night from the AP.
Jones said that he had advertised himself as an escort on the Internet and that a man who called himself Art contacted him. Jones said he later saw the man on television identified as Haggard.
He said that he last had sex with Haggard in August and that he did not warn him before making his allegations this week.
Jones said he has voice mail messages from Haggard, as well as an envelope he said Haggard used to mail him cash, though he declined to make any of it available to the AP.
"There's some stuff on there (the voice mails) that's pretty damning," he said.
Haggard, who is about 50, was appointed president of the evangelicals association in March 2003. He has participated in conservative Christian leaders' conference calls with White House staffers and lobbied members of Congress last year on
U.S. Supreme Court appointees after
Sandra Day O'Connor announced her retirement.
After Massachusetts legalized gay marriage in 2004, Haggard and others began organizing state-by-state opposition. Last year, Haggard and officials from the nearby Christian ministry Focus on the Family announced plans to push Colorado's gay marriage ban for the 2006 ballot.
At the time, Haggard said that he believed marriage is a union between a man and woman rooted in centuries of tradition, and that research shows it's the best family unit for children.
"Homosexual activity, like adulterous relationships, is clearly condemned in the Scriptures," the evangelicals association says on its Web site. The Bible says homosexuality is a sin that "brings grave consequences in this life and excludes one from the Kingdom of God."
Haggard's resignation from the NAE seems unlikely to do lasting damage to the organization, an umbrella group for a diverse and independent-minded membership. At his own church, Haggard's decision to step aside — if it became permanent — would have a more profound effect.
"One would hope and pray that this matter would be resolved expeditiously and quickly and he can be restored back to being the pastor of the church and the leader of the NAE," said Michael Cromartie, vice president of the Ethics and Public Policy Center, a conservative Washington think tank.
New Life Church member Brooks DeMio, 44, said he thinks Jones is a liar and can't believe Haggard would engage in sex with a man.
"He loves the Lord, homosexuality is a sin and that's not Ted," DeMio said. "His desire is to serve other people and uphold the word of God. ... I don't know him well enough to give a complete character description, but I know him enough to know it's not true."
Carolyn Haggard, spokeswoman for the New Life Church and the pastor's niece, said a four-member church panel will investigate the allegations. The board has the authority to discipline Haggard, including removing him from ministry work.
"This is really routine when any sort of situation like this arises, so we're prepared," Carolyn Haggard said. "The church is going to continue to serve and be welcoming to our community. That's a priority."
___
Associated Press writers Dan Elliott in Denver and Rachel Zoll in New York contributed to this report.
Key Evangelical quits amid gay sex claim
By CATHERINE TSAI, Associated Press Writer 1 hour, 16 minutes ago
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. - The leader of the 30 million-member National Association of Evangelicals, a vocal opponent of same-sex marriage, resigned Thursday after being accused of paying for sex with a man in monthly trysts over the past three years.
The Rev. Ted Haggard, a married father of five who has been called one of the most influential evangelical Christians in the nation, denied the allegations. His accuser refused to share voice mails that he said backed up his claim.
Haggard also stepped aside as head of his 14,000-member New Life Church while a church panel investigates, saying he could "not continue to minister under the cloud created by the accusations."
"I am voluntarily stepping aside from leadership so that the overseer process can be allowed to proceed with integrity," Haggard said in a written statement. "I hope to be able to discuss this matter in more detail at a later date."
He also told KUSA-TV late Wednesday: "Never had a gay relationship with anybody, and I'm steady with my wife, I'm faithful to my wife."
The allegations come as voters in Colorado and seven other states get ready to decide Tuesday on amendments banning gay marriage. Besides the proposed ban on the Colorado ballot, a separate measure would establish the legality of domestic partnerships providing same-sex couples with many of the rights of married couples.
Mike Jones, 49, of Denver told The Associated Press he decided to go public with his allegations because of the political fight. Jones, who said he is gay, said he was upset when he discovered Haggard and the New Life Church had publicly opposed same-sex marriage.
"It made me angry that here's someone preaching about gay marriage and going behind the scenes having gay sex," said Jones, who added that he isn't working for any political group.
Jones, whose allegations were first aired on KHOW-AM radio in Denver, claimed Haggard paid him to have sex nearly every month over three years. Jones also said Haggard snorted methamphetamine before their sexual encounters to heighten his experience.
Haggard and his attorney, Martin Nussbaum, did not return calls Thursday night from the AP.
Jones said that he had advertised himself as an escort on the Internet and that a man who called himself Art contacted him. Jones said he later saw the man on television identified as Haggard.
He said that he last had sex with Haggard in August and that he did not warn him before making his allegations this week.
Jones said he has voice mail messages from Haggard, as well as an envelope he said Haggard used to mail him cash, though he declined to make any of it available to the AP.
"There's some stuff on there (the voice mails) that's pretty damning," he said.
Haggard, who is about 50, was appointed president of the evangelicals association in March 2003. He has participated in conservative Christian leaders' conference calls with White House staffers and lobbied members of Congress last year on
U.S. Supreme Court appointees after
Sandra Day O'Connor announced her retirement.
After Massachusetts legalized gay marriage in 2004, Haggard and others began organizing state-by-state opposition. Last year, Haggard and officials from the nearby Christian ministry Focus on the Family announced plans to push Colorado's gay marriage ban for the 2006 ballot.
At the time, Haggard said that he believed marriage is a union between a man and woman rooted in centuries of tradition, and that research shows it's the best family unit for children.
"Homosexual activity, like adulterous relationships, is clearly condemned in the Scriptures," the evangelicals association says on its Web site. The Bible says homosexuality is a sin that "brings grave consequences in this life and excludes one from the Kingdom of God."
Haggard's resignation from the NAE seems unlikely to do lasting damage to the organization, an umbrella group for a diverse and independent-minded membership. At his own church, Haggard's decision to step aside — if it became permanent — would have a more profound effect.
"One would hope and pray that this matter would be resolved expeditiously and quickly and he can be restored back to being the pastor of the church and the leader of the NAE," said Michael Cromartie, vice president of the Ethics and Public Policy Center, a conservative Washington think tank.
New Life Church member Brooks DeMio, 44, said he thinks Jones is a liar and can't believe Haggard would engage in sex with a man.
"He loves the Lord, homosexuality is a sin and that's not Ted," DeMio said. "His desire is to serve other people and uphold the word of God. ... I don't know him well enough to give a complete character description, but I know him enough to know it's not true."
Carolyn Haggard, spokeswoman for the New Life Church and the pastor's niece, said a four-member church panel will investigate the allegations. The board has the authority to discipline Haggard, including removing him from ministry work.
"This is really routine when any sort of situation like this arises, so we're prepared," Carolyn Haggard said. "The church is going to continue to serve and be welcoming to our community. That's a priority."
___
Associated Press writers Dan Elliott in Denver and Rachel Zoll in New York contributed to this report.
10.26.2006
10.24.2006
more adventures in cars: driver's ed.
another essay in what might become a series.
***
Driver’s ed came late for me. I went through the summer between my sophomore and junior years. I’d started school a year early, and discovered years down the road that this was one of the pitfalls, sitting in the back of a room filled with students a year behind me. Ah well. At least I’d be getting to drive soon enough. Besides, my mom had been letting me “drive” on and off for short, controlled distances since I was probably twelve or thirteen. It wasn’t as if I was a greenhorn with this whole driving thing.
The only other person in my class who was also in my grade was Amber, a girl who was early in school like I was, although she was slightly older than me. She’d never been behind the wheel before, but we signed up for the same driving group because we at least knew one another. The driving part, the only part I cared about, seemed miles away; first there were all these videos and lectures given by our ancient teacher. He also taught freshman English and coached men’s basketball. My freshman year he had taken the team to the state championships, only to lose to a powerful, all-black team from Detroit. Our little white, country-boy class C school had still done mighty well for itself, though, and Mr. Leonard was thought of as a local legend. Especially since the last time the boys had gone to state, in ’79, he had been there as head coach, too. English, which had always been fun for me, as opposed to say, Algebra, was decidedly not under his tutelage, however. Once when we were reading aloud from Romeo & Juliet, a quick glance over to his desk revealed his great shaggy head thrown back, mouth open, soft snores providing cadence for the lines read by ambivalent 14-year-olds.
Finally we got through to what mattered, and Mr. Leonard, Amber and I and a couple of soon-to-be-sophomores clambered into a late-model Ford Escort together. We drove around locally for weeks, taking Red Arrow up through Stevensville and eventually St. Joseph, navigating the tricky one-way brick paved streets and parallel parking. How many times Amber hit the curb, I can’t remember. I do know I always cringed when it was her time in the saddle, and I would look for anything green out the window I could find. Since childhood, it had been my soothing color, and if I was carsick, just seeing it calmed my stomach. Kind of like Dramamine, only visual. I don’t know, I don’t understand it, either.
“No, no, left, left, left, left.” Mr. Leonard’s voice would say, as we popped up on the sidewalk for the 37th time. “You have to straighten out before you reverse again, it’s important to keep track of the car in front of you when you’re parking.” Then he would sigh.
“Ok, let’s try it again.”
From the backseat, my eyes would roll and send a silent prayer of thanks to heaven that even in town, Michigan was heavily wooded.
I have to say, I was the best driver of the four of us. Not just because I’d practiced a lot, but because I was just naturally good. I became the wheel, the accelerator, the car. That is, until Mr. Leonard would mash down on the brakes in the passenger seat.
“We’ll keep it under sixty out here,” he would say, nodding serenely. I would bunch my brows. We were on the interstate! The speed limit was seventy, because you were supposed to drive seventy; and that was just a suggestion. Eighty seemed like an even better number. But here I was, stuck with log-sawer, curb-jumper, having my style and my speed cramped. I sighed with my best air of martyrdom. Once I got rid of these people, I could steer with my thumb and do eighty-five. They would never know.
I thought back to last winter, when my mom would let me drive around the church parking lot, spinning donut after donut in the silver Plymouth that would one day be mine. That was when I first learned how to brake; also, how to keep control of your vehicle. Or lose it, if that’s what you wanted. My friends and I used to nearly pass out cold nights, when we would be out in one of their old jalopies, having a fine time in the high school parking lot. Our faces would press to the fogged glass with centrifugal force, the air inside thick and close; the product of too many teenagers, coats, and not enough air. You just had to be careful of the light posts, and the lone rogue stop sign. Nate forgot about the latter once, and then we proceeded to remind him pretty much every day of high school.
As always, the time behind the wheel would be over far too quickly. Mr. Leonard would remind me about the ten and two position, and the importance of indicating when I would change lanes. My dad never did, so I didn’t figure it was important. But I just had to put up with this for a few more weeks, and then I would have my golden ticket- a DRIVER’S PERMIT. Then I would be invincible. Well, sort of. Invincible to the point of being able to drive with anyone over 21 in the passenger’s seat. Which meant my parents. Ok, so I was invincible to the point of driving with my parents. But this was jackpot, goldmine, King Tut’s tomb. I felt like such a greenhorn; nearly all of my friends in my grade had been driving a year already, and a couple of oldies had even been driving at the end of our freshman year. The tables were about to turn.
Finally the last day of driving was here. My tummy felt warm and I couldn’t stop smiling. Freedom awaited; I only had to make it through one more session. Mr. Leonard showed us the permits at the start of the lesson, I suppose to provide that one last sticked carrot for inspiration. As usual, we slung our backpacks in the trunk of the car, along with jackets and anything else we had. I’m sure Amber probably had a purse. I didn’t. Purses were retarded. It was now mid-September, and a windy day to boot; I remember shivering between peeling off my jacket and throwing it in the trunk and clambering into the driver’s seat.
Things progressed swimmingly. Driving went great for all four of us; even Amber’s skills had to be grudgingly admired. As a sort of token parting gift, Mr. Leonard allowed us to turn on the radio, but softly and in the background. It didn’t matter how loud it was; he was approving the Verve as a soundtrack for our learning process, so I wasn’t going to begrudge the old codger. We were all happy, and even chatted about inconsequential things: the weather, the changing of the leaves, the chances that the football team could make playoffs this fall.
All too soon we were finished, back in the parking lot at school, the engine on the Escort idling in the fall chill. I almost felt nostalgic. I reached over and gave the dashboard a loving tap. This machine would always have the distinction of being my first, and for that it was both lucky and loved. Mr. Leonard got out of the car and went to the trunk with me to retrieve my belongings and sign my PERMIT. I reached in and got my jacket, shrugging it on as he told me what a good job I’d done. I smiled in response, knowing he was just telling the truth. Then I reached for my backpack and the world ended.
This was a new backpack, one my mother had just gotten me for the start of the school year. It was olive green, my favorite color, and from the Gap, my favorite store. It looked vaguely tactical, and had some nice clips on the back of it, like maybe you weren’t quite sure if I was going to school or going to climb the Adirondacks, but you were sure I was going somewhere. Well, this pack had a little pouch towards the bottom of it, to hold essential, quick grab items like pencils, wallet, candy, rubber bands, lint, and in my case, a maxi pad. The worst part of this scenario is that my pouch was slightly open, and currently empty of all contents except for the maxi pad, which flew out and began fluttering away across the parking lot in the September wind.
I froze in place. My bag was still half-slung to my shoulder, my mouth hanging open. It was a cruel, cruel joke. Mr. Leonard followed the motion of the pad with his eyes, and before either of us realized what he was doing, he stretched out a long, dexterous leg and pinned the edge of the plastic, mauve colored pad wrapper to the ground. He looked at me beseechingly, as we both realized his TOE was on my PAD. I would have been just fine if the earth had opened up, or perhaps if the four horsemen of the Apocalypse would make an appearance. The pale horseman of Death would be just fine with me, if we could get specific. But no. There was no trumpet, no rumble of the cracking of pavement. Seconds ticked by. The pad flapped in the breeze, hitting the side of his shoe.
Swiftly and with agonizing slowness I reached down and picked up the pad, stuffing it back in the traitorous pouch and zipping it shut. I think I may have mumbled “Thank you,” but there is an excellent chance I didn’t. I am certain I didn’t meet his eyes. He handed me the permit and I can’t even remember if he said words to me. There was an excellent chance he didn’t. I slunk away, like a fish slipping back into water, quickly walking to where my mother was sitting in our family minivan, the engine idling in the cold. I didn’t feel like driving home. I could only pray she hadn’t seen the entire exchange. There was an excellent chance she did.
***
Driver’s ed came late for me. I went through the summer between my sophomore and junior years. I’d started school a year early, and discovered years down the road that this was one of the pitfalls, sitting in the back of a room filled with students a year behind me. Ah well. At least I’d be getting to drive soon enough. Besides, my mom had been letting me “drive” on and off for short, controlled distances since I was probably twelve or thirteen. It wasn’t as if I was a greenhorn with this whole driving thing.
The only other person in my class who was also in my grade was Amber, a girl who was early in school like I was, although she was slightly older than me. She’d never been behind the wheel before, but we signed up for the same driving group because we at least knew one another. The driving part, the only part I cared about, seemed miles away; first there were all these videos and lectures given by our ancient teacher. He also taught freshman English and coached men’s basketball. My freshman year he had taken the team to the state championships, only to lose to a powerful, all-black team from Detroit. Our little white, country-boy class C school had still done mighty well for itself, though, and Mr. Leonard was thought of as a local legend. Especially since the last time the boys had gone to state, in ’79, he had been there as head coach, too. English, which had always been fun for me, as opposed to say, Algebra, was decidedly not under his tutelage, however. Once when we were reading aloud from Romeo & Juliet, a quick glance over to his desk revealed his great shaggy head thrown back, mouth open, soft snores providing cadence for the lines read by ambivalent 14-year-olds.
Finally we got through to what mattered, and Mr. Leonard, Amber and I and a couple of soon-to-be-sophomores clambered into a late-model Ford Escort together. We drove around locally for weeks, taking Red Arrow up through Stevensville and eventually St. Joseph, navigating the tricky one-way brick paved streets and parallel parking. How many times Amber hit the curb, I can’t remember. I do know I always cringed when it was her time in the saddle, and I would look for anything green out the window I could find. Since childhood, it had been my soothing color, and if I was carsick, just seeing it calmed my stomach. Kind of like Dramamine, only visual. I don’t know, I don’t understand it, either.
“No, no, left, left, left, left.” Mr. Leonard’s voice would say, as we popped up on the sidewalk for the 37th time. “You have to straighten out before you reverse again, it’s important to keep track of the car in front of you when you’re parking.” Then he would sigh.
“Ok, let’s try it again.”
From the backseat, my eyes would roll and send a silent prayer of thanks to heaven that even in town, Michigan was heavily wooded.
I have to say, I was the best driver of the four of us. Not just because I’d practiced a lot, but because I was just naturally good. I became the wheel, the accelerator, the car. That is, until Mr. Leonard would mash down on the brakes in the passenger seat.
“We’ll keep it under sixty out here,” he would say, nodding serenely. I would bunch my brows. We were on the interstate! The speed limit was seventy, because you were supposed to drive seventy; and that was just a suggestion. Eighty seemed like an even better number. But here I was, stuck with log-sawer, curb-jumper, having my style and my speed cramped. I sighed with my best air of martyrdom. Once I got rid of these people, I could steer with my thumb and do eighty-five. They would never know.
I thought back to last winter, when my mom would let me drive around the church parking lot, spinning donut after donut in the silver Plymouth that would one day be mine. That was when I first learned how to brake; also, how to keep control of your vehicle. Or lose it, if that’s what you wanted. My friends and I used to nearly pass out cold nights, when we would be out in one of their old jalopies, having a fine time in the high school parking lot. Our faces would press to the fogged glass with centrifugal force, the air inside thick and close; the product of too many teenagers, coats, and not enough air. You just had to be careful of the light posts, and the lone rogue stop sign. Nate forgot about the latter once, and then we proceeded to remind him pretty much every day of high school.
As always, the time behind the wheel would be over far too quickly. Mr. Leonard would remind me about the ten and two position, and the importance of indicating when I would change lanes. My dad never did, so I didn’t figure it was important. But I just had to put up with this for a few more weeks, and then I would have my golden ticket- a DRIVER’S PERMIT. Then I would be invincible. Well, sort of. Invincible to the point of being able to drive with anyone over 21 in the passenger’s seat. Which meant my parents. Ok, so I was invincible to the point of driving with my parents. But this was jackpot, goldmine, King Tut’s tomb. I felt like such a greenhorn; nearly all of my friends in my grade had been driving a year already, and a couple of oldies had even been driving at the end of our freshman year. The tables were about to turn.
Finally the last day of driving was here. My tummy felt warm and I couldn’t stop smiling. Freedom awaited; I only had to make it through one more session. Mr. Leonard showed us the permits at the start of the lesson, I suppose to provide that one last sticked carrot for inspiration. As usual, we slung our backpacks in the trunk of the car, along with jackets and anything else we had. I’m sure Amber probably had a purse. I didn’t. Purses were retarded. It was now mid-September, and a windy day to boot; I remember shivering between peeling off my jacket and throwing it in the trunk and clambering into the driver’s seat.
Things progressed swimmingly. Driving went great for all four of us; even Amber’s skills had to be grudgingly admired. As a sort of token parting gift, Mr. Leonard allowed us to turn on the radio, but softly and in the background. It didn’t matter how loud it was; he was approving the Verve as a soundtrack for our learning process, so I wasn’t going to begrudge the old codger. We were all happy, and even chatted about inconsequential things: the weather, the changing of the leaves, the chances that the football team could make playoffs this fall.
All too soon we were finished, back in the parking lot at school, the engine on the Escort idling in the fall chill. I almost felt nostalgic. I reached over and gave the dashboard a loving tap. This machine would always have the distinction of being my first, and for that it was both lucky and loved. Mr. Leonard got out of the car and went to the trunk with me to retrieve my belongings and sign my PERMIT. I reached in and got my jacket, shrugging it on as he told me what a good job I’d done. I smiled in response, knowing he was just telling the truth. Then I reached for my backpack and the world ended.
This was a new backpack, one my mother had just gotten me for the start of the school year. It was olive green, my favorite color, and from the Gap, my favorite store. It looked vaguely tactical, and had some nice clips on the back of it, like maybe you weren’t quite sure if I was going to school or going to climb the Adirondacks, but you were sure I was going somewhere. Well, this pack had a little pouch towards the bottom of it, to hold essential, quick grab items like pencils, wallet, candy, rubber bands, lint, and in my case, a maxi pad. The worst part of this scenario is that my pouch was slightly open, and currently empty of all contents except for the maxi pad, which flew out and began fluttering away across the parking lot in the September wind.
I froze in place. My bag was still half-slung to my shoulder, my mouth hanging open. It was a cruel, cruel joke. Mr. Leonard followed the motion of the pad with his eyes, and before either of us realized what he was doing, he stretched out a long, dexterous leg and pinned the edge of the plastic, mauve colored pad wrapper to the ground. He looked at me beseechingly, as we both realized his TOE was on my PAD. I would have been just fine if the earth had opened up, or perhaps if the four horsemen of the Apocalypse would make an appearance. The pale horseman of Death would be just fine with me, if we could get specific. But no. There was no trumpet, no rumble of the cracking of pavement. Seconds ticked by. The pad flapped in the breeze, hitting the side of his shoe.
Swiftly and with agonizing slowness I reached down and picked up the pad, stuffing it back in the traitorous pouch and zipping it shut. I think I may have mumbled “Thank you,” but there is an excellent chance I didn’t. I am certain I didn’t meet his eyes. He handed me the permit and I can’t even remember if he said words to me. There was an excellent chance he didn’t. I slunk away, like a fish slipping back into water, quickly walking to where my mother was sitting in our family minivan, the engine idling in the cold. I didn’t feel like driving home. I could only pray she hadn’t seen the entire exchange. There was an excellent chance she did.
10.23.2006
dumbs
ok, so I feel kind of bad even whining about this, because it's not like, oh I have to pick which leg to saw off... it's two really good things that I'm forced between. But I will whine anyway. Over The Rhine is playing the 2nd of December at the Double Door in Chicago, and the 16th of December at the Taft in Cincinnati. They have a few other holiday shows this year, but those two were the must-sees... Chicago for the fact that I'd also get to see Mark, Bruce, and Jen- as well has have another epic roadtrip of monumental proportions with the illustrious Bobbie O'Connor. And the Taft? Well, it's the Taft. The show of all shows from the band of all bands- their annual extravaganza in their hometown, complete with a packed crowd, flowers, candles, and Karin's voice driving the ancient opera house to distraction. Ahhhhhhhhh.
Problem is, I recently got accepted into the Indianapolis Symphonic Choir, which performs the 2nd and 3rd of December. Also, my (only) godbrother (do those exist? my parents are his godparents...) Jeff is getting married the 16th of December.
Other slight dumbities are that my brother just got me hooked on WoW, and he took his computer to visit Tan-Tan for four days. And I just stepped on a kernel of popcorn. My life is so hard!! I'm going to go listen to my favorite song, "stabby rip stab stab" and write apathetic things in my journal about tight pants.
The one positive thing is that I have some jelly bellies.
Problem is, I recently got accepted into the Indianapolis Symphonic Choir, which performs the 2nd and 3rd of December. Also, my (only) godbrother (do those exist? my parents are his godparents...) Jeff is getting married the 16th of December.
Other slight dumbities are that my brother just got me hooked on WoW, and he took his computer to visit Tan-Tan for four days. And I just stepped on a kernel of popcorn. My life is so hard!! I'm going to go listen to my favorite song, "stabby rip stab stab" and write apathetic things in my journal about tight pants.
The one positive thing is that I have some jelly bellies.
10.16.2006
solo
I'm not sure
at which point I started living
so reclusively
but it's true.
Basement spiders in their darkness
provide my inspiration.
The first snowflake falls.
I am alone
beyond
infinite imperfection.
To thine own self be true:
is honesty enough
when understanding
eludes grasp
connection
coupling
duet
the song isn't haunting
unless it's sung
alone.
at which point I started living
so reclusively
but it's true.
Basement spiders in their darkness
provide my inspiration.
The first snowflake falls.
I am alone
beyond
infinite imperfection.
To thine own self be true:
is honesty enough
when understanding
eludes grasp
connection
coupling
duet
the song isn't haunting
unless it's sung
alone.
10.13.2006
something I wrote a while ago: Cars.
For the last couple of years I’ve had problems with cars. Granted, they haven’t been amazing vehicles in the first place. One might even say I got what I deserved, or perhaps paid for. Nevertheless, the automobile has proven to be my personal nemesis. I am incredibly well intentioned when it comes to such things- the inanimate object in general. Though, I suppose, this is the exact opposite of what a car actually is, one expects it to be anything but stationary. I always mean to look after my vehicle meticulously, and have it never fail me. In actuality, it usually looks like a used bookstore threw up into the backseat, and I’m shelling out several hundred dollars every other month or so for a new hose or parambulator or gatlin converter or whatever.
Initially, I had an old Plymouth when I started driving. It had been my mother’s car, and then she got a van I think, and I got hers. The oil pressure used to bottom out when I took long, sharp right turns (such as getting off the interstate). Eventually it self destructed in a shattering rattle-fest of broken cylinder caps or something. This was after the infamous timing-belt incident of 1999. I then inherited a red Neon made in the ’95-’96 era, zippy and compact, just like I love in a car. I got my first ticket in this vehicle, and then my second and third. The accident would come later, with Al- but I am getting ahead of myself.
In my junior year of college, the Neon started getting creepy. I mean, Creepy McCreepster creepy. The initial problem was with the driver’s side door/window. What happened was that the window started being tricky to roll up; then, one day, it simply fell down into the door. Goodbye, Mr. Window. This is ok, because I went to a conservative little college in a conservative little town in the middle of Indiana. Nobody locks anything there anyway. Also, I reasoned, if it rained in the car, it would be very easy for it also to evaporate this way. About this time the car took on an odor that could most closely be compared to the boys’ dormitory. Mixed with dead things.
The door also stopped working entirely very shortly thereafter, and the entire plastic/vinyl/fabric inner lining of the door, with the handle, etc. somewhat fell off. By somewhat, I mostly mean entirely, but certain things like the window crank prevented it from completely leaving it’s steel innards behind. I started noticing a clicking noise about this time, but ignored it. Getting into the little car proved to be the most enjoyable part of the entire escapade- one simply ran at the window, and jumped in, feet first, Dukes of Hazzard style. It was low enough to the ground that it might be described as a similar height of low hurdles in track and field. The only difference with this comparison is that when running low hurdles, you’re not actually jumping into the small, broken hole of a rancid eight-year-old economy car. Let us not, however, be bothered with these details.
And now, back to the clicking. We finally figured out what it was, me and my posse, driving around after dark one evening. I’m sure we were going to Crazy D’s, there is nothing else you would be doing after dark in Indiana but driving 15 miles to the truckstop on the interstate, which served terrible coffee and breakfast any time of day. Breakfast with entirely too many items for it to be under six dollars, but it was. The clicking was my dome light, and it flicked on and off uncontrollably, like a bizarre strobe light deciding to throw a rave in the backseat of my decrepit automobile. There was no way you could control the light show, either- an effort to either turn on the dome, or turn it off, was met with the same disastrous result. And it was intermittent, with no predictable “beat” like a regular strobe would have. It scoffed at the bass thumps of my Jackson 5 cassette, it likewise sneered at my Ben Folds.
In the midst of all this I found myself wishing to be a cow on the side of the road, or perhaps a person. I would see a car, going about 70 miles an hour down a country road, full of giddy, laughing college girls with somewhat crappy, decade old music filtering out through at least one open window (the driver’s side, remember?). And the dome light would be blinking. This was funny to me, more funny than the light blinking in the first place, more funny than the fact that I drove a piece of trash. But just funny to be a cow, eating or something, maybe sleeping or shitting large patties in a field, and look up and see this little blinking thing. Would the cow think I was a ghost? I secretly hoped so, but I knew I would never find out.
At the end of my junior year, also known as the year from hell, I got Al. Al was a silver Escort station wagon, made in 1993. Al was delightful. Thirty miles to the gallon, he was capable of hauling a PA and numerous instruments, or perhaps six of your closest friends, or perhaps most of your wardrobe and recent trash. He had a CD player. He had a roof rack. I bought a sheepskin steering wheel cover, and I knew I was set. This would be the car that took me places. Things would start happening to me now, in this car. This was it.
Things went well with Al for a few months, until about mid-summer. On the way back from a cross-country road trip, heavily loaded with skis and powered amps and many pairs of shoes, Al broke a little. It was very hot, perhaps 106, and we were on the border of Kansas and Colorado, in an appropriately named town of Kanorado. Seriously, somebody needs to win the Nobel Prize for that one. But what happened was that the air conditioning broke. It sort of exploded. I was on my way to the Kansas Visitor’s Center (HOT COFFEE! The sign advertised. Whoo… wasn’t that just what I wanted in this ultra-cool climate.) and was about 10 feet from the door when I heard a familiar sound. At least, I thought it was a familiar sound; it sounded like when semi-truck drivers let air out of their tires. Only it was Al, punching himself in the air-conditioning. The sound was closely followed by a scream- the alarmed sound my traveling companion made to alert me to the disaster. I made my way back to the car, steam/smoke/I wasn’t sure what was billowing out from under the hood.
“Pop the hood, willya?” I called. It popped, obediently. I made sounds like “hmmm….” and “well….” while I looked around under there, not for the life of me knowing what anything was or how it worked in conjunction with anything else. I knew what conjunctions were, though.
“It looks fine,” I said, lowering the hood again and latching it authoritatively. I wiped my hands together for good measure. Mechanics have dirty hands. I then sauntered back up to the welcome center, knowing this would be the only air conditioning I would see for a while. The next several hundred miles were spent with the windows down, the both of us in bathing suits and track shorts, leaning together over the console to keep our outside arms from getting fried in the sun. We doused ourselves with water, and sweat ran between our shoulders at a constant trickle.
I had my first and only accident in Al. Sure, I think I got a couple of more speeding tickets in him, perhaps, but I ran a red light right in the middle of my college town and broadsided this guy. Just plain as day, he was making the turn and I didn’t stop. I had a friend and one of my professors’ kids in the back seat. My friend and the six-year-old girl had been talking, the kid was getting ready to eat a cookie. We were babysitting and taking her to see a play at the college after some sandwiches downtown at the park. And I was paying attention to them, and smacked this rusty, compact pickup truck from the early eighties right in the kisser. Or what happened was it looked like I punched his lights out, and he’d gotten Al in the mush. The truck had been sort of a deep red/maroon color, and the only damage to Al at all was a long, reddish streak the pretty much covered the front bumper. For the rest of Al’s happy life, he would be in drag.
Al’s final issue was the breaks- both literally and figuratively. By the time that I figured out the “BRAKES” warning light wasn’t just a computer malfunction, but actually indicated there was a problem with my breaking system, it was far too late to repair it for any sensible cost. Really. They should make lights that let you know if you should pay attention to the actual warning lights. How many people do I know that have “check engine soon” lights that don’t mean anything? Let’s just say a lot. Oh, it’s just a computer chip, they always say. This alarms me initially, then simply numbs me to any vehicular problems altogether. Oh, it’s just a computer chip, I decide, looking at the dashboard anytime something new turns on. I don’t need to pay some mechanic two hundred bucks to tell me this when I can just say it for free. The problem was, my brakes were really bad. And I mean really bad.
“Nine hundred bucks?” I said to the hapless repairman, at the Brake Stop in the west Highlands in Denver. “For Al?” I jerked my thumb over my shoulder, where the proud king of the road sat high up in the air, suffering the indignity of having his pipery looked at by everyone. He nodded.
“Your master brake cylinder is blown, I imagine you’ll lose your front brakes any day now,” he replied, helpfully. He pushed his cap back on his head. “You’ve already lost your rear brakes… that may explain the fishtailing you’re seeing out there on the interstate when you try to brake at high speeds.” I nodded knowingly. He turned and looked at my friend. “She,” he said, pointing at me, “is a brave woman.” I turned around and looked at Al. He looked so vulnerable. He needed me, he needed my protection. I sighed.
“You don’t happen to be in the military, do you?” the mechanic asked, a glimmer of hope in his eyes. Though I briefly debated explaining the virtues of pacifism to him, I realized that that was neither the time nor the place. I shook my head no, slumped my shoulders forward, and told them to bring the champ down. Against the mechanic’s strong recommendation, I drove the old boy away, back to the cramped basement apartment where my friend lived, and I was visiting. I cleaned Al out, somberly filling a garbage bag with vehicular incidentals, and a very stale cookie I found under the driver’s seat. Kid probably never even realized she didn’t eat it. Then I went in the apartment, picked up a newspaper and started skimming, until I found something that looked promising- and thus, I found the Troops.
I remember thinking as the garage door opened at this guy’s house how big the Troops was. Huge. This huge, white box, sitting there patiently on large truck off roading tires, just waiting for me to come along and buy it. I didn’t need a truck. I needed my Al back, I thought mournfully. Prudence stepped in, however, and reminded me that brakes are important, and as much as I loved Al, we were going to have issues if he couldn’t stop. I got in the Isuzu Trooper, which was covered in minor, cosmetic dings and sported a major crack in the windshield. I liked the Troops immediately. I took these blemishes to be marks of character, badges of honor- certainly not drawbacks. Also, I wouldn’t worry about one of my drunk friends running it into something and ruining it when I loaned it out, as I was sure I would. I perpetually have the type of friends that need cars.
Also, it got horrible gas mileage, was hard to parallel park, and weighed a frigging ton. There would be no heroic adrenaline-pumped moments for me, holding my car up while trained bears pulled a flaming baby from underneath my back tire. I would just stand there and watch the little faggot die.
“I’ll take it,” I told the man selling it, “for friends,” that I instantly felt shady about. I signed my title over to him for Al, letting him junk the mightiest of mighty warriors for me. I gave the old boy a loving pat on the rump, and sniffled a bit, trying not to look to odd in front of Shady Central in the driveway, who was holding my old set of keys and looking disinterested. Neither of us were good actors. I then got in the Troops and pulled away, riding high and in style. For only three thousand dollars, I was now the proud owner of an SUV. Now all I needed was road rage, a caramel macchiato, and a cell phone glued to my ear, and I would be the average American driver. My palms itched with anticipation.
Initially, I had an old Plymouth when I started driving. It had been my mother’s car, and then she got a van I think, and I got hers. The oil pressure used to bottom out when I took long, sharp right turns (such as getting off the interstate). Eventually it self destructed in a shattering rattle-fest of broken cylinder caps or something. This was after the infamous timing-belt incident of 1999. I then inherited a red Neon made in the ’95-’96 era, zippy and compact, just like I love in a car. I got my first ticket in this vehicle, and then my second and third. The accident would come later, with Al- but I am getting ahead of myself.
In my junior year of college, the Neon started getting creepy. I mean, Creepy McCreepster creepy. The initial problem was with the driver’s side door/window. What happened was that the window started being tricky to roll up; then, one day, it simply fell down into the door. Goodbye, Mr. Window. This is ok, because I went to a conservative little college in a conservative little town in the middle of Indiana. Nobody locks anything there anyway. Also, I reasoned, if it rained in the car, it would be very easy for it also to evaporate this way. About this time the car took on an odor that could most closely be compared to the boys’ dormitory. Mixed with dead things.
The door also stopped working entirely very shortly thereafter, and the entire plastic/vinyl/fabric inner lining of the door, with the handle, etc. somewhat fell off. By somewhat, I mostly mean entirely, but certain things like the window crank prevented it from completely leaving it’s steel innards behind. I started noticing a clicking noise about this time, but ignored it. Getting into the little car proved to be the most enjoyable part of the entire escapade- one simply ran at the window, and jumped in, feet first, Dukes of Hazzard style. It was low enough to the ground that it might be described as a similar height of low hurdles in track and field. The only difference with this comparison is that when running low hurdles, you’re not actually jumping into the small, broken hole of a rancid eight-year-old economy car. Let us not, however, be bothered with these details.
And now, back to the clicking. We finally figured out what it was, me and my posse, driving around after dark one evening. I’m sure we were going to Crazy D’s, there is nothing else you would be doing after dark in Indiana but driving 15 miles to the truckstop on the interstate, which served terrible coffee and breakfast any time of day. Breakfast with entirely too many items for it to be under six dollars, but it was. The clicking was my dome light, and it flicked on and off uncontrollably, like a bizarre strobe light deciding to throw a rave in the backseat of my decrepit automobile. There was no way you could control the light show, either- an effort to either turn on the dome, or turn it off, was met with the same disastrous result. And it was intermittent, with no predictable “beat” like a regular strobe would have. It scoffed at the bass thumps of my Jackson 5 cassette, it likewise sneered at my Ben Folds.
In the midst of all this I found myself wishing to be a cow on the side of the road, or perhaps a person. I would see a car, going about 70 miles an hour down a country road, full of giddy, laughing college girls with somewhat crappy, decade old music filtering out through at least one open window (the driver’s side, remember?). And the dome light would be blinking. This was funny to me, more funny than the light blinking in the first place, more funny than the fact that I drove a piece of trash. But just funny to be a cow, eating or something, maybe sleeping or shitting large patties in a field, and look up and see this little blinking thing. Would the cow think I was a ghost? I secretly hoped so, but I knew I would never find out.
At the end of my junior year, also known as the year from hell, I got Al. Al was a silver Escort station wagon, made in 1993. Al was delightful. Thirty miles to the gallon, he was capable of hauling a PA and numerous instruments, or perhaps six of your closest friends, or perhaps most of your wardrobe and recent trash. He had a CD player. He had a roof rack. I bought a sheepskin steering wheel cover, and I knew I was set. This would be the car that took me places. Things would start happening to me now, in this car. This was it.
Things went well with Al for a few months, until about mid-summer. On the way back from a cross-country road trip, heavily loaded with skis and powered amps and many pairs of shoes, Al broke a little. It was very hot, perhaps 106, and we were on the border of Kansas and Colorado, in an appropriately named town of Kanorado. Seriously, somebody needs to win the Nobel Prize for that one. But what happened was that the air conditioning broke. It sort of exploded. I was on my way to the Kansas Visitor’s Center (HOT COFFEE! The sign advertised. Whoo… wasn’t that just what I wanted in this ultra-cool climate.) and was about 10 feet from the door when I heard a familiar sound. At least, I thought it was a familiar sound; it sounded like when semi-truck drivers let air out of their tires. Only it was Al, punching himself in the air-conditioning. The sound was closely followed by a scream- the alarmed sound my traveling companion made to alert me to the disaster. I made my way back to the car, steam/smoke/I wasn’t sure what was billowing out from under the hood.
“Pop the hood, willya?” I called. It popped, obediently. I made sounds like “hmmm….” and “well….” while I looked around under there, not for the life of me knowing what anything was or how it worked in conjunction with anything else. I knew what conjunctions were, though.
“It looks fine,” I said, lowering the hood again and latching it authoritatively. I wiped my hands together for good measure. Mechanics have dirty hands. I then sauntered back up to the welcome center, knowing this would be the only air conditioning I would see for a while. The next several hundred miles were spent with the windows down, the both of us in bathing suits and track shorts, leaning together over the console to keep our outside arms from getting fried in the sun. We doused ourselves with water, and sweat ran between our shoulders at a constant trickle.
I had my first and only accident in Al. Sure, I think I got a couple of more speeding tickets in him, perhaps, but I ran a red light right in the middle of my college town and broadsided this guy. Just plain as day, he was making the turn and I didn’t stop. I had a friend and one of my professors’ kids in the back seat. My friend and the six-year-old girl had been talking, the kid was getting ready to eat a cookie. We were babysitting and taking her to see a play at the college after some sandwiches downtown at the park. And I was paying attention to them, and smacked this rusty, compact pickup truck from the early eighties right in the kisser. Or what happened was it looked like I punched his lights out, and he’d gotten Al in the mush. The truck had been sort of a deep red/maroon color, and the only damage to Al at all was a long, reddish streak the pretty much covered the front bumper. For the rest of Al’s happy life, he would be in drag.
Al’s final issue was the breaks- both literally and figuratively. By the time that I figured out the “BRAKES” warning light wasn’t just a computer malfunction, but actually indicated there was a problem with my breaking system, it was far too late to repair it for any sensible cost. Really. They should make lights that let you know if you should pay attention to the actual warning lights. How many people do I know that have “check engine soon” lights that don’t mean anything? Let’s just say a lot. Oh, it’s just a computer chip, they always say. This alarms me initially, then simply numbs me to any vehicular problems altogether. Oh, it’s just a computer chip, I decide, looking at the dashboard anytime something new turns on. I don’t need to pay some mechanic two hundred bucks to tell me this when I can just say it for free. The problem was, my brakes were really bad. And I mean really bad.
“Nine hundred bucks?” I said to the hapless repairman, at the Brake Stop in the west Highlands in Denver. “For Al?” I jerked my thumb over my shoulder, where the proud king of the road sat high up in the air, suffering the indignity of having his pipery looked at by everyone. He nodded.
“Your master brake cylinder is blown, I imagine you’ll lose your front brakes any day now,” he replied, helpfully. He pushed his cap back on his head. “You’ve already lost your rear brakes… that may explain the fishtailing you’re seeing out there on the interstate when you try to brake at high speeds.” I nodded knowingly. He turned and looked at my friend. “She,” he said, pointing at me, “is a brave woman.” I turned around and looked at Al. He looked so vulnerable. He needed me, he needed my protection. I sighed.
“You don’t happen to be in the military, do you?” the mechanic asked, a glimmer of hope in his eyes. Though I briefly debated explaining the virtues of pacifism to him, I realized that that was neither the time nor the place. I shook my head no, slumped my shoulders forward, and told them to bring the champ down. Against the mechanic’s strong recommendation, I drove the old boy away, back to the cramped basement apartment where my friend lived, and I was visiting. I cleaned Al out, somberly filling a garbage bag with vehicular incidentals, and a very stale cookie I found under the driver’s seat. Kid probably never even realized she didn’t eat it. Then I went in the apartment, picked up a newspaper and started skimming, until I found something that looked promising- and thus, I found the Troops.
I remember thinking as the garage door opened at this guy’s house how big the Troops was. Huge. This huge, white box, sitting there patiently on large truck off roading tires, just waiting for me to come along and buy it. I didn’t need a truck. I needed my Al back, I thought mournfully. Prudence stepped in, however, and reminded me that brakes are important, and as much as I loved Al, we were going to have issues if he couldn’t stop. I got in the Isuzu Trooper, which was covered in minor, cosmetic dings and sported a major crack in the windshield. I liked the Troops immediately. I took these blemishes to be marks of character, badges of honor- certainly not drawbacks. Also, I wouldn’t worry about one of my drunk friends running it into something and ruining it when I loaned it out, as I was sure I would. I perpetually have the type of friends that need cars.
Also, it got horrible gas mileage, was hard to parallel park, and weighed a frigging ton. There would be no heroic adrenaline-pumped moments for me, holding my car up while trained bears pulled a flaming baby from underneath my back tire. I would just stand there and watch the little faggot die.
“I’ll take it,” I told the man selling it, “for friends,” that I instantly felt shady about. I signed my title over to him for Al, letting him junk the mightiest of mighty warriors for me. I gave the old boy a loving pat on the rump, and sniffled a bit, trying not to look to odd in front of Shady Central in the driveway, who was holding my old set of keys and looking disinterested. Neither of us were good actors. I then got in the Troops and pulled away, riding high and in style. For only three thousand dollars, I was now the proud owner of an SUV. Now all I needed was road rage, a caramel macchiato, and a cell phone glued to my ear, and I would be the average American driver. My palms itched with anticipation.
10.09.2006
oh baby, it's alright
Days like today make me wonder. Sometimes I think, when I write something really spectacular, or maybe just really sellable, I'll be sitting on some talk show somewhere, and the host will say, "So, what did you do those first few years between college and when you were published?" and I'll say, "oh, just fooled around, mostly." Or maybe I was just mostly a fool.
Does the doubt ever go away? Will I always be uncertain that I'm doing the right thing? Every time I attempt to be responsible, make good decisions, and work hard, I seem to be further behind than I was before. The only good news is that I've got all the time in the world.
I made it into the Indianapolis Symphonic Choir today. Barely under the wire- but enough. Enough is enough and I'm in; my mom is buying me the black performance formal as a birthday gift. I'm singing alto 2. And Handel rolled over in his grave as I botched the sight-reading of "He was despised."
Oh well. 1 out of 3 ain't bad.
Love and love and peace.
Does the doubt ever go away? Will I always be uncertain that I'm doing the right thing? Every time I attempt to be responsible, make good decisions, and work hard, I seem to be further behind than I was before. The only good news is that I've got all the time in the world.
I made it into the Indianapolis Symphonic Choir today. Barely under the wire- but enough. Enough is enough and I'm in; my mom is buying me the black performance formal as a birthday gift. I'm singing alto 2. And Handel rolled over in his grave as I botched the sight-reading of "He was despised."
Oh well. 1 out of 3 ain't bad.
Love and love and peace.
9.26.2006
odder otter
I call him back and we have, as Brad Etter would say, a 10,000 dollar moment. Perhaps not a full meeting of the minds, but I speak my peace, and he and I are as reconciled as we can be at present.
Is it possible to be reconciled to someone you don't trust? If you are at peace with someone to the point of accepting whatever type of friendship you can have with them, but have no expectations, is it reconciliation? I don't know of a word to describe it otherwise- just an elusive "okayness" that we tenuously have reached. But that is okay, too. As far as I am able, to be at peace with my fellow man- I believe this is what he and I so desire. However, we live our lives differently, so we will have to proceed accordingly. Honestly, I don't see much possibility for interaction, so it may not matter anyway- but it was certainly nice for him to take that next step.
I find myself at the mate factor with Yashah- we talked and talked and talked. As always, there are a great many things about this life that make sense. Is there ever a perfect way? Should I find the eschaton descending onto my shoulders, I imagine I would make my way to them. Does this make me a coward for not doing it now? I believe God is glorified in my learning, in my scholarship, in my intellectualism. I believe God put those things in me for a reason. Harking back to Eric Liddel, the great Olympian runner, I feel His pleasure- not when I run, but when my mind is engaged, working towards some elusive concept, discovering God's truth, hidden or no, in all things. Would He call me to turn away from a gift He has given me? This is my struggle on the matter. This and my inability to box God into a literalist theology.
God is not hidden. He longs to be found. In gratitude, in reconciliation, in the company of friends. Being here, being unencumbered by work or schedule, with mate and books and notebook and pen is just about as close to heaven as I could hope to be.
Is it possible to be reconciled to someone you don't trust? If you are at peace with someone to the point of accepting whatever type of friendship you can have with them, but have no expectations, is it reconciliation? I don't know of a word to describe it otherwise- just an elusive "okayness" that we tenuously have reached. But that is okay, too. As far as I am able, to be at peace with my fellow man- I believe this is what he and I so desire. However, we live our lives differently, so we will have to proceed accordingly. Honestly, I don't see much possibility for interaction, so it may not matter anyway- but it was certainly nice for him to take that next step.
I find myself at the mate factor with Yashah- we talked and talked and talked. As always, there are a great many things about this life that make sense. Is there ever a perfect way? Should I find the eschaton descending onto my shoulders, I imagine I would make my way to them. Does this make me a coward for not doing it now? I believe God is glorified in my learning, in my scholarship, in my intellectualism. I believe God put those things in me for a reason. Harking back to Eric Liddel, the great Olympian runner, I feel His pleasure- not when I run, but when my mind is engaged, working towards some elusive concept, discovering God's truth, hidden or no, in all things. Would He call me to turn away from a gift He has given me? This is my struggle on the matter. This and my inability to box God into a literalist theology.
God is not hidden. He longs to be found. In gratitude, in reconciliation, in the company of friends. Being here, being unencumbered by work or schedule, with mate and books and notebook and pen is just about as close to heaven as I could hope to be.
9.18.2006
didn't see the headlight
Ahhhhhh, Monday, bloody Monday. These are my long days, Mondays and Thursdays- today made especially so by the 7 am meeting that leads were required to attend. Looks like I'll be in the cafe Wednesday all day, which will be fun.... mostly because I know I'll be able to leave and not be stuck there permanently. I remember working at the Pavilions store last year, looking out at those lucky ducks cruising around on the book floor in their normal clothes. I was stuck behind a grinder and sanitation pails, dried milk on my shoes and apron around my waist. Quad venti breve? Sure, no problem. Who cares if I know about Flaubert?
As an aside though, I love working for Barnes and Noble. I'm dead serious. I wouldn't be in retail in any other job; they are the bees knees, people.
So today when I was driving home from the clinic, I hit a bird in Plainfield. It was flying so slowly, in a straight line away from my windshield ahead of me, and I hit it anyway. I didn't mean to! It was just reluctant about moving quickly and then thunk, it smacked the windshield and lolled on my hood for a few moments before rolling over the side of the troops. It made me sad. I think it was a sparrow.
It made me remember that one time when Draco brought me a nearly dead bird. I think I'm going to categorically say I'm not in favor of them.
As an aside though, I love working for Barnes and Noble. I'm dead serious. I wouldn't be in retail in any other job; they are the bees knees, people.
So today when I was driving home from the clinic, I hit a bird in Plainfield. It was flying so slowly, in a straight line away from my windshield ahead of me, and I hit it anyway. I didn't mean to! It was just reluctant about moving quickly and then thunk, it smacked the windshield and lolled on my hood for a few moments before rolling over the side of the troops. It made me sad. I think it was a sparrow.
It made me remember that one time when Draco brought me a nearly dead bird. I think I'm going to categorically say I'm not in favor of them.
9.16.2006
200
This is what I do.
Deep breath
Center.
Warm hands reach out
to touch the back
on this table.
Oil.
Smooth,
or resisted
the expanse is covered just the same.
Just the same.
Work along ribs
the latissimus dorsi
the great knobbled spine
forever separating the two halves
one
from
the other.
The apex of the neck-
the great head
resting on its axis.
Resting
here in my hands.
Rock.
Rock.
Roll.
The cleft between
erectors and spine
those long, sinuous muscles
providing bookends
to that great, bony protector.
That joint beyond all joints.
The SI.
Forever joining
perambulators
with
everything else.
Muscle
bone
hinge
I stand amazed.
Here
wrapped in these sheets
humanity bares herself for me
and I for her
no glove separates these blunted nails
these stunted tips
these calloused prints--
there is no bridge to cross.
Just skin and skin.
And this is what I do?
I stand amazed.
Deep breath
Center.
Warm hands reach out
to touch the back
on this table.
Oil.
Smooth,
or resisted
the expanse is covered just the same.
Just the same.
Work along ribs
the latissimus dorsi
the great knobbled spine
forever separating the two halves
one
from
the other.
The apex of the neck-
the great head
resting on its axis.
Resting
here in my hands.
Rock.
Rock.
Roll.
The cleft between
erectors and spine
those long, sinuous muscles
providing bookends
to that great, bony protector.
That joint beyond all joints.
The SI.
Forever joining
perambulators
with
everything else.
Muscle
bone
hinge
I stand amazed.
Here
wrapped in these sheets
humanity bares herself for me
and I for her
no glove separates these blunted nails
these stunted tips
these calloused prints--
there is no bridge to cross.
Just skin and skin.
And this is what I do?
I stand amazed.
9.04.2006
Goodbye Steve
By BRIAN CASSEY, Associated Press Writer Mon Sep 4, 9:34 AM ET
CAIRNS, Australia - Steve Irwin, the hugely popular Australian television personality and conservationist known as the "Crocodile Hunter," was killed Monday by a stingray while filming off the Great Barrier Reef. He was 44.
Irwin was at Batt Reef, off the remote coast of northeastern Queensland state, shooting a segment for a series called "Ocean's Deadliest" when he swam too close to one of the animals, which have a poisonous barb on their tails, his friend and colleague John Stainton said.
"He came on top of the stingray and the stingray's barb went up and into his chest and put a hole into his heart," said Stainton, who was on board Irwin's boat at the time.
Crew members aboard the boat, Croc One, called emergency services in the nearest city, Cairns, and administered CPR as they rushed the boat to nearby Low Isle to meet a rescue helicopter. Medical staff pronounced Irwin dead when they arrived a short time later, Stainton said.
Irwin was famous for his enthusiasm for wildlife and his catchword "Crikey!" in his television program "Crocodile Hunter." First broadcast in Australia in 1992, the program was picked up by the Discovery network, catapulting Irwin to international celebrity.
He rode his image into a feature film, 2002's "The Crocodile Hunters: Collision Course" and developed the wildlife park that his parents opened, Australia Zoo, into a major tourist attraction.
"The world has lost a great wildlife icon, a passionate conservationist and one of the proudest dads on the planet," Stainton told reporters in Cairns. "He died doing what he loved best and left this world in a happy and peaceful state of mind. He would have said, 'Crocs Rule!'"
Prime Minister John Howard, who hand-picked Irwin to attend a gala barbecue to honor President Bush when he visited in 2003, said he was "shocked and distressed at Steve Irwin's sudden, untimely and freakish death."
"It's a huge loss to Australia," Howard told reporters. "He was a wonderful character. He was a passionate environmentalist. He brought joy and entertainment and excitement to millions of people."