holy smokes

people, my buddy is losing it. I'm hanging out in Denver at her Starbucks compiling college radio mailing lists, and she's going to go postal. Really. She's on the edge of punching everyone from teenyboppers with cellphones to old homeless ladies. It's time to get out of the bux.

This week has been a doozy. Doosey? Anyway, it seems like it was about 500 years long. I've ridden the crazy roller coaster of love, and ended up nauseus when I got off, vowing to never even get near the midway again. It ended up being more of a tilt-a-whirl of ambivalence, anyway. Last night I wanted to go out and a) drink b) smoke an entire pack of cigarettes c) track down that Jennifer girl from the Mariner and see if she was still interested. But, then, I realized I'm not a lush, I don't smoke, and I'm straight. So I ended up going to see "The Constant Gardener" at Kimball's Twin Peak with Shelley, who for once pulled through in a pinch.

Let me say, let me say I really liked this film. There was beautiful love and naked pregnant women and death and african children fading into the dust of a UN relief plane. The music was gorgeous. The plotline was heartbreaking, most likely because it is probably true. It made me hate the civilised world all over again, as if I don't already. I did look at my white, white skin differently this morning at church, and wondered how other people see me. And wondered about how I see other people. What a small and huge amount of difference it all makes.

AIC was great again this morning. Messaging on 2 Corinthians again and being found in Christ was a delicious pastry to my soul. I am finally allowing myself to feel again in church, after years of caustically stabbing everything that got near to my heart. It wasn't even awkward with Circus Boy there, like I was afraid it was going to be. It was chill, I was chill, everybody worshipped and we went home. As I listened to Sufjan on my way to Denver, I realized the kiddie song I learned so long ago whilst playing with a felt-board Jesus is totally, fundamentally, organically true. Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you.

Alleluia.